Category Archives: Culinary

Business, Culinary, Health, Humor, Social Commentary

Whole Foods

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A survival guide:

I see the gluten-free section filled with crackers and bread made from various wheat-substitutes such as cardboard and sawdust. I skip this aisle because I’m not rich enough to have dietary restrictions. Ever notice that you don’t meet poor people with special diet needs? A gluten intolerant house cleaner? A cab driver with Candida? Candida is what I call a rich, white person problem. You know you’ve really made it in this world when you get Candida. My personal theory is that Candida is something you get from too much hot yoga. All I’m saying is if I were a yeast, I would want to live in your yoga pants.

Next I approach the beauty aisle. There is a scary looking machine there that you put your face inside of and it tells you exactly how ugly you are. They calculate your wrinkles, sun spots, the size of your pores, etc. and compare it to other women your age. I think of myself attractive but as it turns out, I am 78 percent ugly, meaning less pretty than 78 percent of women in the world. On the popular 1-10 hotness scale used by males the world over, that makes me a 3 (if you round up, which I hope you will.) A glance at the extremely close-up picture they took of my face, in which I somehow have a glorious, blond porn mustache, tells me that 3 is about right. Especially because the left side of my face is apparently 20 percent more aged than the right. Fantastic. After contemplating ending it all here and now, I decide instead to buy their product. One bottle of delicious smelling, silky feeling creme that is maybe going to raise me from a 3 to a 4 for only $108 which is a pretty good deal when you think about it.

Read the whole (foods) thing. It’s pretty funny.

Culinary, Health

A New Benefit Of Coffee

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I started drinking coffee regularly a few weeks ago (that is, pretty much every morning when I’m home, though I’ve never actually brought myself to purchase a cup when away from home), primarily for medicinal reasons. I still don’t like the stuff that much, and can take or leave it. But one side effect I discovered, as a result of my latest dental visit, is that my teeth are much cleaner. I noticed that my cleaning was much faster than usual, and my hygienist told me that there was less to clean. I attribute this to the fact that I am brushing twice as often as I used to, because I feel a need to do so after drinking the coffee in the morning (I generally skip breakfast otherwise), partly to get rid of the after taste, and partly to prevent teeth staining. I was particularly motivated about the latter after seeing how hard it is to clean coffee stains from our white porcelain cups.

Business, Culinary, Economics, Media Criticism, Political Commentary

The Fast-Food Pay Strike

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Is it the dumbest strike ever?

Well, that’s stiff competition, but I suppose some strike has to be.

This is fundamentally a Marxist strike. That is, their argument is not that they should be paid more because they are really worth more, but because they can’t live on the wage it pays (“…to each according to his need”). If they can’t live on burger flipping, then they should get a better job. If they can’t find a better job, maybe they should complain to the moron that most of them helped put in the White House who is waging war on job creators.

Culinary, Health, Science And Society, Social Commentary

Caffeine Addiction

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How it happens to your brain.

I started drinking coffee a few weeks ago, primarily for medicinal purposes (a couple cups in the morning). I don’t really enjoy it, and I’ve never noticed any mental effect from doing so. If I didn’t make a pot for her every morning, I probably wouldn’t bother. When I skip a day, I don’t notice anything, either. So maybe I’m sort of impervious to its effects. Of course, that could also mean that I’m not getting any of the hoped-for health benefits of drinking it.