Transterrestrial Musings  

Amazon Honor System Click Here to Pay

Alan Boyle (MSNBC)
Space Politics (Jeff Foust)
Space Transport News (Clark Lindsey)
NASA Watch
NASA Space Flight
Hobby Space
A Voyage To Arcturus (Jay Manifold)
Dispatches From The Final Frontier (Michael Belfiore)
Personal Spaceflight (Jeff Foust)
Mars Blog
The Flame Trench (Florida Today)
Space Cynic
Rocket Forge (Michael Mealing)
COTS Watch (Michael Mealing)
Curmudgeon's Corner (Mark Whittington)
Selenian Boondocks
Tales of the Heliosphere
Out Of The Cradle
Space For Commerce (Brian Dunbar)
True Anomaly
Kevin Parkin
The Speculist (Phil Bowermaster)
Spacecraft (Chris Hall)
Space Pragmatism (Dan Schrimpsher)
Eternal Golden Braid (Fred Kiesche)
Carried Away (Dan Schmelzer)
Laughing Wolf (C. Blake Powers)
Chair Force Engineer (Air Force Procurement)
Saturn Follies
JesusPhreaks (Scott Bell)
The Ombudsgod
Cut On The Bias (Susanna Cornett)
Joanne Jacobs

Site designed by

Powered by
Movable Type
Biting Commentary about Infinity, and Beyond!

« Parts Is Parts | Main | Father Knows Best »

Satan Files Lack Of Defamation Suit

This just in to Transterrestrial News Network (TNN):

Beelzebub, aka Lucifer, aka the Devil, aka Satan has filed a reverse class-action suit in international civil court against Supreme Leader Ayotollah Khamenei of Iran and the Hizbollah terrorist organization, for impugning his previously-undisputed position as the world's greatest Satan.

As evidence, he cited the Hizbollah leader's recent comments:

A senior Hizbollah leader lashed out against President Bush Sunday, labeling him the ``Great Satan'' and dismissing U.S. accusations that the Lebanese guerrilla group is ``terrorist'' organization. ``Bush is faithful to Satan, was his devotee, and is the greatest devotee in a leadership thirsty for killing and blood and aggression,'' Hizbollah's Deputy Secretary-General Sheikh Naeem Kassem told a rally.

He also provided the following verified quote from President Khamenei:

"The Islamic Republic of Iran is proud to be the target of the rage and hatred of the world's greatest Satan," Khamenei told journalists at a press briefing.

In addition to insufficient defamation of character, the supreme Evil One is suing for extreme lack of slander and non-libel, as well as trademark infringement. Damages claimed in the preliminary filing are:

  • Loss of potential recruits to the true Cause of Evil, with resultant financial impacts
  • Blurring of the long-established "Evil" (TM) brand recognition
  • Reductions in sales of all satanic merchandise, including Halloween outfits, Red Devil firecrackers, Red Hot candy, and Harry Potter books

The Master of the Underworld is also suing for emotional distress, and pain and suffering.

"Since hearing the false charge that I'm no longer the greatest Satan, I've been unable to eat or sleep, and no longer take any joy from tormenting souls throughout eternity. I've been botching soul transactions, and gotten taken in several deals, particularly from House Democrats and Hollywood producers."

The plaintiff has included U.S. President G. W. Bush in the reverse class action, for his refusal to defend himself against the charge of being the greatest Satan, or even acknowledging it.

"I've spent millennia establishing a reputation and trademark of ultimate evil, and this Texas cowboy thinks that he can just come in and take the throne in a few months?"

"And what's with these stupid thugs in the Middle East? You'd think that people who rip womens' fingernails out for putting polish on them, or who shoot up a young woman's coming-of-age party would recognize true evil when they see it, but apparently this Bush guy has pulled the asbestos over their eyes."

He revealed part of his legal strategy at the press conference, bringing forth just one of what are sure to be numerous negative character witnesses.

Biting his lip, Mr. Clinton put his arm over the plaintiff's shoulder, proclaiming, "I know Satan. Satan is a friend of mine. And George Bush is no great Satan."

(Copyright Rand Simberg 2002)

Posted by Rand Simberg at February 05, 2002 09:30 AM
TrackBack URL for this entry:

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference this post from Transterrestrial Musings.

This is creativity and skill combined to change the world. Just what I love in literature and art. For an artistic version of this vibe see

Posted by Taram at June 23, 2002 03:10 PM

Who says you can't get a crack PR team to cover your tracks.

Sorry, but I don't believe you have the right villain here. Or have his identity assigned.

Posted by at March 14, 2005 08:40 PM

Well, it's certain Satan will have no shortage of legal counsel.

Posted by Prometheus at February 21, 2006 12:17 AM

lwhssb Hi, Nice! [url=]test1[/url] test2

Posted by lwhssb at October 29, 2007 01:13 PM

Post a comment

Email Address: