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« Don't Just Celebrate--Commemorate | Main | Saturn V a Cost Barrier? »

Seeking Justice

[Note the following was posted at this morning by* moderator George William Herbert]

The People of Ziquikcikty )
(also known as Comet Tempel-1); )
A class, seeking )
certification as such; )
Plaintiffs )
v. )
Michael A'Hearn, )
Rick Grammier, )
Alphonso Diaz, )
Michael Griffin, )
Karl Rove, )
Andrew Card, )
Richard Cheney, )
George W. Bush, )
Does 1-100, )
and Does 101-600,000, )
1 et Prcpui 50 n 1 abrat 05135, )
Government of Bars and Stripes; )
Defendants ) FILED:
-----------------------------------) Minxktaquicky 43, Year Nipathatep
(July 3, 2005)


1. The matter before the court regards loss of life and limb, injuries, mental anguish, and property damage suffered on the early morning of Minxktaquicky 43, Year Nipathatep (July 3, 2005) at or around Mong 54 (10:52 PM PST).

2. At or around that time, inhabitants of Ziquikcikty (Comet Tempel-1) were awoken by a large explosion. They awoke to find that a large segment of the surface of Ziquikcity had been destroyed by an unknown agent, leaving a large crater in the surface. Ejected debris caused serious damage to approximately half the surface of Ziquikcity, and minor damage to all remaining areas of the comet.

3. A veritable flood of injured sentients reached medical attention after the explosion, and preliminary estimates are that 105,000 sentients were treated for injuries of some sort. Hospitals report over 2800 cessations of sentient function, with another more than 5,200 sentients undergoing major medial care with significant ongoing risk of cessation of sentient function.

4. Rescue parties are still combing through the debris as of this filing, but 1,952 formerly sentient organisms have been recovered as of this filing, and at least 4,700 remain unaccounted for.

5. Initial estimates of property damage (still preliminary at this time) indicate that in excess of 58,000 residences were destroyed or rendered uninhabitable, in excess of 7,500 places of business were destroyed or rendered uninhabitable, and at least 125,000 other buldings suffered serious damage including at least a partial lsos of pressure. Purely cosmetic damage estimates have not been received to date, but are expected to be severe.

6. Special scientific teams investigating the source of this damage identified debris from a metallic object in the crater at the point of origin of the damage.

7. Subsequent analysis and recovery included large quantities of Element 29.

8. Smaller fragments recovered included a small, square metal plate bearing inscribed text, and many pieces of a micro-representational disc structure.

9. Upon closer inspection, the small, square metal plate was found to have a manufacturers mark ("1 et Prcpui 50 n 1 abrat 05135") and unit designation ("D33p 1 mpact").

10. Upon closer inspection, the fragments of a micro-representational disc contained squiggly lines which are associated with pre-infoputational civilization identification rituals.

11. Upon information and belief, based upon Galactic Registrar data and other sources, we believe that defendant
"1 et Prcpui 50 n 1 abrat 05135"
(hereinafter referred to as "1 ET") is an organization subservient to the defendant "Government of Bars and Stripes".

12. Upon information and belief, we believe that defendant 1 ET is engaged in interplanetary warfare. Its electronic presences contain information regarding a number of interplanetary weapons systems and military reconnaissance systems which it has employed in past military campaigns against other planetary bodies within the Sol Solar System and nearby interplanetary space.

13. Upon information and belief, we believe that defendants A'Hearn and Grammier were employed by defendant 1 ET as primary assault managers for the D33p system deployment.

14. Upon information and belief, we believe that defendants Diaz and Griffin are direct supervisors within the Government of Bars and Stripes department charged with waging interplanetary warfare.

15. Upon information and belief, we believe that defendants Rove, Card, Cheney, and Bush are senior war-leaders of the Government of Bars and Stripes.

16. Upon information and belief, we believe that defendants Does 1-100 inclusive are members of the strike team which operated the D33p unit which struck Ziquikcikty.

17. Upon information and belief, we believe that defendants Does 101-600,000 are members of the support units which helped assemble and launch the D33p unit which struck Ziquikcikty.


18. Claim 1:
Plaintiffs claim that Defendants intentionally launched a Weapon of Mass Destruction, D33p unit "1 mpact", towards Ziquikcikty, causing loss of life, limb, sentience, and property, in contravention of the Galactic Environmental Modification Convention, and Defendants own collaborative agreement contravening the use of environment altering space objects and weapons.

19. Claim 2:
Plaintiffs claim that Defendants launched unprovoked military action without proper notifications or warnings of threat or exclusion zone.

20. Claim 3:
Plaintiffs claim that Defendants neglegently utilized a Weapon of Mass Destruction in proximity to civilian habitation areas without a valid military target within the targeted area.

21. Claim 4:
Plaintiffs claim that Defendants have caused great mental anguish to the peoples of Ziquikcikty, including loss of sleep, disruption of marital congress, premature larval stage spawning, and subversion of extrapotentiary quik.

22. Claim 5:
Plaintiffs claim that Defendants failed to register D33p unit "1 mpact" properly as an exported weapons system under their own legal system.

23. Plaintiffs reserve the right to file ammended compaint as further iformation becomes available to us.


24. Plaintiffs demand that Defendants be enjoined from further unprovoked military action against spatial bodies.

25. Plaintiffs demand that suitable disaster aid be made available to the beings of Ziquikcikty.

26. Plaintiffs demand monetary damages for loss of sentience, mental anguish, injury, property damage, and the plague of premature larval stage spawning, in an amount to be determined.

27. Plaintiffs demand urgent assistance with approximately one million prematurely spawned larvae who are rapidly denuding all plant life in the affected areas.

28. Failing the above, Plaintiffs demand the right to send the approximately one million prematurely spawned larvae to the vicintity of defendant 1 ET under the doctorine of transferred headache.

29. Plaintiffs demand all movie, television, internet, mind-send and telesmell broadcast rights to all images resulting from the deployment of D33p unit "1 mpact", under the doctorine of confiscatus felonuis copyrightus.

30. Plaintiffs demand an Intergalactic War Crimes Tribunal for all Defendants for Great Assault and Grand Felony Littering.


/s/ #@23842*)*dsfe#@dsf#}#@

Illeb Nivlem, JD
Counsel for the Plaintiffs
Minxktaquicky 43, Year Nipathatep (July 3, 2005)


I, the undersigned, delivered a true and accurate copy of this document to the defendants by: [check one]
[ ] certified mail
[ ] precision planetary delivery probe
[*] class V mindsend

/s/ {}{{{{{}}}{{}}}
Ima Lifpy

[Copyright 2005 by George William Herbert]

On a less light note, I think (but am not entirely sure--(s)he may be trolling) that this nutcase is serious.

Posted by Rand Simberg at July 04, 2005 12:36 PM
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On the bright side, it gives the International Freedom Center another display to add to their collection:

"Exhibit 23: The American Genocide of the Sentients of Ziquikcikty -- The Destruction of a Peaceful Indigenous Population as a Warning to Others Who Would Bravely Resist the Hegemony of Imperialist Oppression".

(It's all about the pipeline.)

Posted by T.L. James at July 4, 2005 03:35 PM

Unfortunately, it probably was a serious letter. I've seen a couple that have been almost as bad. Not to mention that giant civilizaztion vaporizing laser mirror that The Planetary Society (who are obviously stooges for the Bush Administration) tried to launch. Now that's a conspiracy...

Posted by FredKiesche at July 4, 2005 04:49 PM

Fred: more of the same at DU...

"Science is justfying what we want to do. It is the advancing of the US military technology through DOD grants and the eventual militarization of space... all necessary so we can abandon this planet after those same people pollute and destroy it.

Science is only as good as the maturity of those who wield it...and now that the DOD runs all science, its not worth cr@p except to threaten other people with space weapons under the appreances of collecting data about comets."

"I see a weapons test. You see science."

It's not far from there to arguing that most if not all science and technology must be rejected because of its military origins, associ-ations, and applications.

Posted by T.L. James at July 4, 2005 05:55 PM

Before DU goes off the deep end (sorry)...wasn't Deep Impact first proposed and funded under the previous Administration? Which would make it a bi-partisan secret weapons test!

Posted by FredKiesche at July 4, 2005 07:28 PM

Before DU goes off the deep end

Too late...

Posted by Ilya at July 4, 2005 08:18 PM

Hmm. You would think that such an advanced civilization living on the surface of a comet would have some sort of early warning system for incoming projectiles, and some way of deflecting or destroying them. Guess they're not as advanced as they think they are. Perhaps we could interest them in a joint project to develop a missile defense shield...

Posted by Ardsgaine at July 4, 2005 09:47 PM

Hey, I know George William Herbert. Haven't seen him since my years at Cal, back in the early 1990s.

Posted by Andrew at July 4, 2005 10:05 PM

If we let these aliens push us around, next thing you know the residents of Titan will be declaring eminent domain on the Huygens probe.

Posted by Alan K. Henderson at July 5, 2005 01:34 AM

The federal government has merely seen fit for a better use of the property for The People of Ziquikcikty. Accordingly, construction has started under eminent domain. All activity is completely legal and the plaintiffs have no case.

Posted by Ted at July 5, 2005 04:03 AM

Aw, comeon, guys. We put a beer keg on ice. Big freakin' deal!

Posted by Chuck Simmins at July 5, 2005 05:05 AM

If you think that's funny, take a look at this:


Now that's a nutcase.

Posted by Hylas at July 5, 2005 06:02 AM

No, I think she has a point. I ruined the Natural Balance of the Universe once, with a bean burrito. The impact on humanity was devastating.

Posted by Jonathan at July 5, 2005 06:11 AM

I once listened to some philosophy professors argue that rocks have a moral right not to be mined for ore. Bad enough that we despoil the Earth, but to extend our depredations to the Moon and Mars--what arrogance!

Posted by pst314 at July 5, 2005 07:05 AM


Posted by at July 5, 2005 10:43 AM

So how far do these types of things actually make it in our legal system before they get tired of laughing..
Wonder how much it would cost a taxpayer? Anyone know more then me and like to share?

Posted by Patrick Davidse at July 5, 2005 12:05 PM

Oh, those spoony Ziquikcityians.

Posted by Cello at July 5, 2005 01:12 PM

I can't help but wish Douglas Adams were still here to comment on this. The suit is obviously influenced by the precedent of the G'gugvunts and the Vl'hurgs.

I think the Ziquikciktians would have better luck seeking Endangered Species status. They could make us rebuild their comet.

Posted by AST at July 5, 2005 04:28 PM

Time to break out the jeweled battle shorts and the microscopic space fleet.

(FYI, the latter reference is from the Hitchhiker's computer game.)

Posted by Alan K. Henderson at July 5, 2005 11:12 PM

"I once listened to some philosophy professors argue that rocks have a moral right not to be mined for ore."


Posted by JJM at July 6, 2005 02:08 AM

Fred writes:

"Unfortunately, it probably was a serious letter."

Absolutely. It was filed with the San Francisco Federal Courts immediately. Social Justice forever!

You are one of those 600,000 John Doe defendants who helped put it together, aren't you.

Andrew writes:

"Hey, I know George William Herbert. Haven't seen him since my years at Cal, back in the early 1990s."

I deny any and all... well, ok, I was at Cal then.

Andrew Lloyd, right? I'm trying to remember where we were crossing paths there.

Posted by George William Herbert at July 6, 2005 01:01 PM

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