News You Can Use

How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. I’ve never trusted either of them, actually.

Is your cat plotting to kill you?

Seriously, don’t fool yourself. The only thing that keeps your cat from killing you is that you’re way too big. If you were mouse sized, you wouldn’t last a minute, no matter how affectionate they are to the normal-sized you.

11 thoughts on “News You Can Use”

  1. Didn’t take the quiz, but I’m sure there’s something to this. Purring especially. Definitely some kind of psyops.

  2. Kill the man who fills the water and food bowl? Surely you jest.

    Her subsidized lifestyle of chasing string and toy mice would come to an abrupt halt.

  3. But I doubt if they’ve thought those kinds of things through. Mainly, they don’t kill us because they can’t. I like having cats, and love the cats, but I hold no illusions about their nature.

  4. The only time my cat has lashed-out at me with anything approaching anger is when I tried to put her in her carrier to go to the vet. Turning the carrier on end fixed that.

    Even the one time I put a clothes pin on her tail(Don’t ask, and for the love of all that’s good and decent, don’t do it. They will not just harmlessly chase their tails as was my initial hypothesis) she still did not strike at me when I reached in her furball of fury to pull it off and buddy, she was hissing, spitting and royally pissed!

    For some reason, she didn’t blame me for that, in fact, she though I rescued her and purred on my lap for a solid thirty minutes.

  5. If you were mouse sized, you wouldn’t last a minute,

    Which is kind of the whole point.

    A cat’s primary historical function is to get rid of vermin in the house. In some places, that includes small but deadly snakes. We’ve “pussy-fied” them to the point where they’ve become friendly if rather arrogant upholstery, but you can still find good mousers out there if you try.

  6. IIRC, the house treating its tiny owner as prey was a plot element in the Incredible Shrinking Man.

Comments are closed.