The New Red Scare

It could happen here:

BOBBY

Look, Johnny… we saw what happened in History this morning. Maybe you got off to a rough start, but you’ve still got a chance to fit in. Why don’t you join one of the after-school clubs? There’s the Diversity Club, the Peace-a-longs, The Diversitarians, Feces Art Society, The Multidiversies…

DEBBIE

…don’t forget the Multiculturalettes!

BOBBY

And how, sis! What do you say, Johnny? It’ll be swell! And all our clubs have full federal funding. If you wash that greasy kid stuff out of your hair, I think you might even be FTCA material!

JOHNNY

No dice, Daddy-o! Taxes are for squares.

Bobby and Debbie look at each other quizzically

DEBBIE AND BOBBY

“Squares”?

JOHNNY

Yeah – L-7s. Cubes. Melvins. Nosebleeds.

DEBBIE

Bobby… I think he means he doesn’t like them!

BOBBY

Johnny! Keep it down! Do you want the Hate Speech monitors to hear you? That kind of language could be interpreted by as illegally offensive! They could send you off to Juvie for that!

JOHNNY

Ha! There ain’t no such thing as illegal speech.

BOBBY

What!? Says who?

JOHNNY

Sez dis.

Johnny whips out a laminated card from his dungaree pocket, close up of the Constitution

HORNS

bomp bomp BAAAAAAAAH!

NARRATOR

And so it begins. What Debbie and Bobby don’t know is that “John Smith” is actually Johnny “Snake” Republico, secret agitator for the forces of International Constitutionalism — the insidious extreme rightwing ideology that seeks to bring America to its knees by enslaving our helpless unsuspecting government, and stop it from giving you all the things that you want. It spreads like a cancer, slowly driving victims into violent, racist, anti-tax madness. It takes a strong will to resist the Consties’ hypnotic sales pitch — are Debbie and Bobby up to it?

Find out, after the commercial.

6 thoughts on “The New Red Scare”

  1. My two favorites.

    The Phalocracy of America, that’s funny, but I had a coughing fit when the mom is fretting about how the twins are acting.

    Don’t know if I should quote it, you gottar read the whole thing to really really appreciate it I think.

    Man, that was timeless.

  2. Over on Hot Air I just saw the clip of jeanine garofalo talking with Keithy O about how obvious the 10’s of hundreds or so of people that showed up the Tea Parties are soo blatantly racist. Of course, they lament, that there is nothing we can do for these poor racist rednecks because, after all, they are all afflicted with over sized limbic nerves in their brain which causes their synapses to overcharge (or reboot; whichever).

    The whole while that Jeanine spouts her fascist idiocy Olby ‘uh huhs’ in agreement. They didn’t quite say it, but certainly alluded to the notion that these, deranged mentally deficient racists should be ‘dealt with’ because they are most certainly a lost cause otherwise.

    My my, how the party of tolerance and equality sure seems to be hell bent of suppressing dissent now that it is no longer the highest form of patriotism.

  3. That whole thing is brilliant, simply brilliant. Iowahawk must have inside information on DHS, ’cause that’s the way the new bunch looks to a casual viewer.

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