MOVABLE TYPE : TEMPLATE

October 29, 2008
What Does Barack Obama Have Against Nazis?

In the furor (well, at least as much furor as could be expected, given how in the tank the mainstream media has been for Senator Obama) over his comments about the deficiencies of the Constitution (in regard for its lack of "positive rights") and the frustrating (at least to him) inability of the courts to deal with it, many have missed another snippet of that radio interview from seven years ago. In it, he also said, "There's a lot of change going on outside of the court. The judges have to essentially take judicial notice up, I mean you've got WW II, the doctrines of Nazism that we are fighting against that started looking uncomfortably similar to what's going on back here at home."

"...similar to what's going on back here at home."

What did he mean by that?

Well, most people know the characteristics of the Nazi regime (or at least imagine they do), so it's hard to imagine what he's talking about here, since he gives no specifics.

Was he referring to the fact that it was led by a charismatic man who gave speeches to mesmerized, adoring throngs in front of Teutonic war memorials?

Or is he talking about the Nazi policy of first registering, then confiscating weapons from private citizens, one of its first acts upon taking power?

Perhaps he was referring to the notion that work exhorted by the leader would set us free? That we need to have national service for all? And that the nation will be inspired by youth singing in patriotic uniforms?

Or was it demanding to see the papers of critics of the leader, and using the state apparatus to discover information that might expose him to ridicule?

No?

Well, was it the nationalistic racism? Or the plans to exterminate a large percentage of the citizenry after taking power?

OK, maybe I'm on the wrong track. Was he talking about the Nazi health care system, that so many here want to emulate? Or the need to spread the wealth around? I mean, isn't that what socialism is all about?

I just can't figure it out.

OK, maybe I'm just confused. Maybe this latest slur against Senator Obama of being a "socialist" is wrong. Maybe Senator Obama is something else.

Take away the genocide, and militaristic conquest of neighboring countries. Just what is it about Nazis that Barack Obama doesn't like?

It would certainly be nice if the Obama campaign would expand and elaborate upon his brief comments about Nazism in America a few years ago to the American people. He has another few days to do so before they have to decide who their next president will be.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:03 AM

October 26, 2008
Solidarity

I am Bill.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 05:43 PM

October 21, 2008
Tanned, Rested And Ready

Iowahawk says that Barack Obama is totally ready for his foreign-policy challenge:

"Mark my words," Biden promised at the Seattle fundraiser Sunday. "There will be an international crisis. The world will be looking. They'll say, hey, here is this handsome, clean, ar-ti-cu-late young president, not unlike a very, very tanned John Fitzgerald Kennedy, dancing at his inaugural ball with his beautiful wife who is not unlike a very very very extremely tanned Jackie. And our enemies will think, 'ba ha ha, look at how thees seely new Amerikanski preseedent dances so! Such skeels can only be from many years in zee dancing school, where theys do not teaching the toughness! Launch zee meesiles!' But these enemies are in for a big surprise. America's foes must never confuse Barack Obama's terrific dance floor moves with weakness -- because as an Afro-American African, Barack is a natural dancer."

..."Ching chow pow!" added Biden, demonstrating his point with several pantomime karate chops. He also issued a pointed warning to the government of Spain.

"Let me be blunt: if you think we will sit idly by while you land your mighty galleons at Boca Raton, and unleash your gleaming-helmeted conqustadores to enslave and convert our whiny retired Jewish-Florida-Americans - well, think again, Cortes. Hey mang, say helloo to my leetle fren'!" said Biden, spraying the room with pantomime machine gun fire.

As a current resident of Rat Mouth of Jewish ancestry, I'll be ever confident with him holding the nucular football.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 03:56 PM

October 18, 2008
False Claims By Defeated Slaves Undermine Their Campaign

71 BC*

ROME (Routers) Diligent investigative reporters were shocked to learn today that many, indeed most of the captured slaves in yesterday's battle in Lucania who proclaimed "I am Spartacus" were actually misleading military authorities, and not the famous rebel leader at all.

One of the investigators, Probius Ani, lead chiseler at the Tempora Romae, shared the details. "We looked into their backgrounds, and while they were all slaves at one time or another, few of them had formal gladiator training, nor did they universally use the Thracian style of combat for which he was well known."

After the defeat, when authorities demanded to know which of the defeated was the leader, at first one of them jumped up and declared himself Spartacus**. But the situation quickly grew confused as another, and then another, and then dozens and hundreds of the defeated curs shouted out the same claim. Legitimate demands of proof of identity, gladiators' licenses, and tax and divorce records from them were met with a sullen resistance, making it impossible to tell which to properly punish.

"These slaves have no credibility," noted a proconsul on the scene. "Why should we grant any respect to a campaign based on false pretenses? Why should we not just spread their wealth around, and crucify them all?"

Given their duplicity against the news media and other legitimate authorities, it is increasingly difficult to argue otherwise.

[Hat tip to Mark Hemingway]

*Yes, before you comment to correct me, I know they didn't really have datelines dated BC)
**Yes, before you comment to correct me, I know it was only a movie.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 07:08 PM

The Crucial Scrappleface Endorsement

Scott Ott comes out for Barack Obama. I completely concur.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 09:52 AM

October 15, 2008
A Vote For Civility

Winning over the undecideds:

Think about it. With Barack Obama in office, assholes like us will fade into a distant unpleasant memory. Don't get us wrong, we'll still be hanging around, probably as junior staffers in some federal arts agency. But you have our word on it -- we'll be practically invisible. No more C-word t shirts, no more intersection blockades, no more vandalism until the next election cycle. Nosirree, we'll be timid and well-behaved and quiet as church mice, working away on grant proposals. We think you will also be pleased to know that under Obama, negative news stories and the steady flow of shitty anti-American war movies will virtually disappear overnight.

We know what you're thinking -- "that sounds awesome, but what about the angry right wingers? Won't they suddenly start storming congressional hearings and vandalizing military recruiting stations? Won't they start producing Obama assassination fantasy plays at the local college?" Don't worry, as members of the incoming Administration, we will identify any potential troublemakers and prosecute them to the full extent of President Obama's new civility laws. And with the re-establishment of the Fairness Doctrine, you won't have to worry about accidentally tuning into right wing hate radio.

I can't wait.

Plus, true Grit.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 08:04 AM

October 12, 2008
The Hate And Rage From The McCain Campaign

...continues:

John McCain's bid for the Oval Office suffered another stunning blow yesterday when the Arizona senator referred to Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States, as "my opponent." The campaign-shattering remark came during a vicious, Hitlerian speech before an audience of drooling right-wing drones in one of those states in the middle, possibly rectangular.

"I believe that we should do things one way," McSame sneered, his shrunken, twisted body and hideous visage producing overwhelming revulsion in all sane people who beheld him. "But my opponent feels we should do things a different way."

Yes, Treacher's ahead of the curve. My hat is off to him, because these people continue to get ever harder to satirize.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:37 PM

October 05, 2008
Dear Leader

There's a new Obama music video up.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 03:10 PM

October 04, 2008
The Chinese Space Program Has Come A Long Way

Heh.

[From Bruce Webster, via email]

Posted by Rand Simberg at 08:56 AM

October 02, 2008
Sarah Biden's Gaffes

McCain should have dropped this idiot from the ticket weeks ago.

By the way, sorry for the light live blogging of the workshop, but I had some side meetings this afternoon. More in the morning.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 03:04 PM

September 24, 2008
Getting To The Real Bailout Issues

Iowahawk has an interview with some of the key players.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 12:12 PM

September 11, 2008
Pigs

Pork maven Iowahawk has some fun facts. Be sure to follow the links.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:35 AM

September 04, 2008
A Roundup Of Palin Reax

From Iowahawk.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 02:03 PM

August 30, 2008
The Idiossey

Iowahawk has dredged up a previously unfound work of Homer:

Speak to me, O Muse, of this resourceful man
who strides so boldly upon the golden shrine at Invescos,
Between Ionic plywood columns, to the kleig light altar.
Fair Obamacles, favored of the gods, ascends to Olympus
Amidst lusty tributes and the strumming lyres of Media;
Their mounted skyboxes echo with the singing of his name
While Olbermos and Mattheus in their greasy togas wrassle
For first honor of basking in their hero's reflected glory.
Who is this man, so bronzed in countenance,
So skilled of TelePropter, clean and articulate
whose ears like a stately urn's protrude?
So now, daughter of Zeus, tell us his story.
And just the Cliff Notes if you don't mind,
We don't have all day.

Read all.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 11:50 AM

August 23, 2008
Persuasion

Iowahawk has an in-depth report on the Obama campaign's new winning tactics.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 10:12 AM

July 30, 2008
Speaking Of General Zod

At least one will be saved from the coming carbon apocalypse:

Al Gore--or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al--placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity's hubristic folly.

"There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race," Gore said. "I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home."

Hope the poles aren't so warm there that he can't build an arctic fortress of pomposity.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 12:17 PM

July 25, 2008
He Brought Light Unto The World

Gerard Baker finally sees the light himself:

As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.

And the polar bears rejoiced.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:39 AM

July 17, 2008
Change!

Who said he wasn't funny? Here are a bunch of Obama light-bulb jokes.

[Update a while later]

And now, knock-knock jokes.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 10:32 AM

July 11, 2008
Al Qality

Iowahawk has gotten a hold of the latest hirabi recruitment brochure:

As you have possibly heard by now, Team Satan and their subsidiary Iraqi Security Forces have made several key market acquisitions in the last few months. In order to meet Q3 Return-on-Mayhem targets and maximize stakeholder value, we need to refocus our client-facing resource model. As we are currently seeking a 17th round of venture funding, budgets are extremely tight, and this will require reducing our internal work team payroll load through adaptive right-sizing on a go-forward basis. Accounting estimates indicate that much of this will be achieved via natural attrition and Apache Hellfire missiles. Still, in order to achieve costing targets, we will need to engage in involuntary outboarding.

The Communications department will be most directly effected by this initiative, as we continue transitioning of our day-to-day public relations efforts to low-cost offshore service providers like Huffington Post, DailyKos, and Democratic Underground.

Hey, you get what you pay for.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 12:01 PM

July 08, 2008
Clarification

Iowahawk has found a draft of an Obama speech explaining the refinement of his positions:

Let me be crystal clear: if elected president, my first act will be to call for the immediate withdrawal of all American troops from Iraq. I have always been consistent and forthright in this position, and I want to reassure my supporters that my recent statement backtracking from it was just some bullshit my staff came up with to tack to the center for the general election. To win this election, it will be critical to appeal to the dwindling but stubborn group of idiots who cling to fantasies of American "victory" in this tragic disaster. It's an unfortunate part of the complicated game of presidential politics, but let's face it: I can't stop this war if I'm not in the White House. However, you should know by now that whatever I may say from now until November, once elected I will immediately pull the rug from these gullible pro-war rubes.

Or will I? As is obvious to all but the most deluded HuffPo retard, the surge in Iraq has produced dramatic improvements in security throughout Iraq, and the roots of a stable pro-American democracy. We have the terrorists on the run, and it would obviously be crazy for us to pull our troops from the region just as we are on the verge of victory. And it is equally obvious that everything I said in the previous paragraph was designed to placate the naive hipster moonbats I brilliantly exploited to destroy the Clintons. (You're welcome.) Now that the nomination is in the bag, I am finally free to stake out my genuine pro-victory Iraq position, and have a good laugh while the dKos morons screech like a bunch of apoplectic howler monkeys. Let's face it: at the rate I'm heading right on national security, I'll be raining nukes on Tehran by February.

Well, that should settle the issue.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 07:15 AM

July 07, 2008
The Problem With A Story Like This

...is that too many people will think that it's true.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 08:41 AM

June 26, 2008
Comparing People To Hitler

It's just one of those things that white people like to do. This part is a little off, though:

It's also critical that you avoid the fatal mistake of getting creative and comparing people you don't like to other evil dictators, such as Joseph Stalin or Fidel Castro. With few exceptions, white people are actually fond of almost any dictator not named Hitler, and your remark that "this is just like something Mao Zedong would do" will be met with blank stares and possible social alienation. This is because, with the exception of Hitler, oppressive dictators share a passion for many of the things white people love- such as universal health care, conspiracy theories, caring about poor people while being filthy rich, and cool hats. Stick to the script and compare things you don't like to Hitler, and Hitler alone.

While it's good advice, actually, being the National Socialist Party, the Nazis did in fact have universal health care. Well, for the people they didn't exterminate, anyway. But that was true for Stalin, Castro and Mao as well. I think that the problem here is that the white people who like to do this don't really understand how much else Hitler had in common with their other socialist dictator heroes.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 02:56 PM

June 19, 2008
The Obama-Pooh Collection

Hilarious.

Or it would be, if there weren't a significant possibility of this guy actually getting into power.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 09:40 AM

June 03, 2008
The Next Star Chamber Defendant

Iowahawk has dug up an old Canadian radio program that is sure to be banned in the Great White North. Warman, of the Mounted:

From the Maritimes to the Yukon, the Great White North was once a lawless land where cruel and offensive opinions roamed free - until one man stood up and brought them to justice. One mighty masked man, clad in the scarlet breechcoat of the Royal Canadian Mounted Human Rights Police, astride a golden disabled lesbian steed, with his faithful transgender Indian scout at his side. Together they rode from Yellowknife to St. John's, keeping Canadians safe from the spectre of multicultural insensitivity.

The Canadian Broadcast Corporation invites you to return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear as we tell the tales of that legendary singing Human Rights Mountie. It's time for excitement - it's time for lawsuits - It's time for... Warman of the Mounted!

It's a particularly exciting episode. I expect we'll see him in the HRC docket presently.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:24 AM

June 02, 2008
Breakfast Cereals and Garrison Keillor

Don't miss today's Bleat, over at Lileks place. He has a proper fisking of his fellow Minnesotan scribe.

[Late morning update]

As Jay Manifold points out, the permalink is wrong--it's pointing to Friday's Bleat. For now, until it's fixed, just go to today's Bleat.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 05:42 AM

May 24, 2008
More Relationship Advice

It's round two of Ask Barry!, over at Iowahawk's place.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 10:48 AM

May 17, 2008
"Growing" In Office

Iowahawk has a trip through time for one Republican Congressman. Too bad it isn't only one.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 01:18 PM

May 14, 2008
Time To Give It Up

So sayeth Hillary:

Frankly, there's just no way around the stark mathematics of the situation: Inconvenience(Me) = 1.0 * Accident(You). It is an inescapable statistical fact, as proven over and over again by my loyal team of Karma accountants -- including Sid Blumenthal, Howard Wolfson, and Harold Ickes. Contrary to what some people say, my boys did not learn untraceable poisoning techniques from the Russians. In fact, it was the other way around. And let's face it: even if Senator Obama receives prompt medical attention for his eventual post-nomination accident, voters in the general election will be repulsed by his grotesque and permanent Dioxin scarring. Once again, Hillary Time.

So today Senator Obama faces a clear choice: (a) stay in the campaign through the convention, wasting millions of dollars on primary advertising and expensive food tasters, or (b) withdraw immediately and graciously transfer his war chest to the only remaining Democratic candidate capable of appealing to hard-working white voters, such as Hillary Rodham Clinton. Same outcome either way, with the possible exception of body count.

I don't know how Burge finds these scoops.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 08:49 AM

May 07, 2008
Still Singing To The Horse

Hillary is going to stay in all the way to the convention--why should she quit? That horse might still learn to sing, or there could be more bad news for Obama. And here's one of the more unsavory reasons that she stays in:

"I can't stand him," the man said. "He's a Muslim. He's not even pro-American as far as I'm concerned."

Such feelings leave Clinton and the Democratic Party in a tough spot. With the largest number of remaining delegates nowbeing party insiders, they have to decide if Obama can overcome enough of that antipathy - essentially deciding if enough working-class whites will back away from the black candidate, whether because of the false Muslim rumors, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright flap or old-fashioned racism.

I think, though, that this is delusional:

A top Democratic source with insight into Bill's and Hillary's states of mind says the Clintons are convinced that a Democratic presidency is all but certain no matter how messy the fight for the nomination.

In that scenario - which the Obama side and some Democratic elders worry is wishful thinking at best, delusional at worst - there's no downside for Hillary doing whatever it takes for as long as it takes.

How does anyone know what "the Clintons are convinced" of? On what basis? Because they say so? I'd say that if you want to know what the Clintons are really thinking, the least reliable method is to take them at their word. This "top Democratic source" makes the mistake of thinking that the Clintons care about the fate of the Democrat Party, despite their devastation of it in the nineties. He (or she) is the one who is being delusional, but about the Clintons, not the Clintons about the party's chances in November.

In fact, as I've said before, I assume that if she doesn't get the nomination, she'll do what she has to in order to ensure Obama's defeat. She doesn't want to have to run against a Democrat incumbent in 2012. So they're right that there's no down side for her to stay in. They're just confused about the reason.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 10:31 AM

May 06, 2008
Movie Review Time

Over at Lileks' place:

Their logo looks like a deformed octopus. We get the picture, though. It's the Klan. This was still a touchy thing in '36; this must have irritated the people who thought the film ignored all the good things the Klan did, like community outreach and neighborhood suppers and the occasional potluck where a fella could get together with like-minded Americans and talk freely about the Catholics.

Gee, to what or whom could he possibly be referring?

Posted by Rand Simberg at 05:03 AM

May 01, 2008
State Department Issues New Language Guidelines

December 15th, 1941

WASHINGTON (Routers) In an effort to drive a wedge between moderate Germans and those more extreme, the State Department issued new rules today, stipulating that the word "Nazi" was not to be used by department employees to describe the enemy. Germany recently declared war on our country, as part of its alliance with Imperial Japan, which itself attacked us at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii a little over a week ago, and with which we are now at war.

"Nazism has a great many admirable features," said a department spokesman at Foggy Bottom, "and we want to make clear that despite the fact that the Nazi Party rules Germany, we have no quarrel with the vast majority of Nazis with peaceful intent."

She went on to describe the National Socialist universal health care plan, its youth programs that inculcate loyalty to the government, its strict and necessary control over unbridled private industry, its wage and price controls, its strict separation of church and state, its progressive views on food purity and safety, and other beneficial features of the fascist system.

"Many of the Nazi programs have their counterparts here in President Roosevelt's own New Deal, such as the NRA, the CCC, our price monitoring boards, and so on. In fact, many of the ideas of National Socialism were first developed in our own progressive country, and we in turn might want to consider examining their policies for more ways to improve our own."

She went on, "...if we call Hitler and his staff, who lack moral legitimacy, 'Nazis,' we may unintentionally legitimize their rule, and end up offending many of the peaceful National Socialist Germans with whom we can develop a productive relationship after the defeat of the extremist Hitler regime. We don't want to tar all Nazis with the racism and war mongering of the more fanatical members of the party."

"We are concerned that use of the term "Nazi" to refer to the murderous extremists may glamorize their racism, give them undeserved moral authority with the German people, and undermine our ultimate war strategy of winning their hearts and minds. We want them to understand that we recognize Nazism as an ideology of peace, and welfare for the common good and betterment of all Germans. Not to mention their understandable desire for lebensraum."

When asked what term employees were to use to refer to the enemy, she replied, "We haven't quite worked that out yet. We're considering 'the Hitler gang' for now."

Posted by Rand Simberg at 01:26 PM

April 30, 2008
Is There Anything He Can't Do?

Advice for the lovelorn, from Senator Barack Obama. Well, who would know better than him?

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:27 AM

April 21, 2008
End Zoophobia

The Great White North, where boys will be boys, and the sheep are nervous.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 05:33 AM

April 18, 2008
A Modest Proposal

Jules Crittenden says let the left have their draft.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 12:04 PM

April 16, 2008
Missing Rush Limbaugh

Robert Ferrigno imagines a future both frightening and amusing, in which Bill Clinton pines for the past. The only part that doesn't ring true is Bill and Hillary divorcing. If they divorced, they could be compelled to testify against each other, and neither of them would want to give up spousal immunity.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 11:53 AM

April 13, 2008
More Obamarama

OK, Friday night's post was getting way too long with all the updates, but Obama's latest faux pas (i.e., letting slip how he really feels about the rubes) is the gift that just keeps giving. Ace has a plea for help from the hinterlands ("Halp Us Brak, We Are Stuk In Small Town"), and a link to the latest non-apology apology: "I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand what I meant."

And Iowahawk has managed to milk it for another golden oldie: "The Heart of Redness."

I should note that much of the media and the Democrats remain clueless as to why this was so offensive. First of all, few people, even bitter people, like being told that they're "bitter," though of course there are exceptions (no surprise that it's a Democrat). They especially don't like it when they don't feel bitter at all, as is the case for most people, even most Reagan Democrats (which comprise many of the people who he was insulting). Of course, even if Keystone State Democrats are bitter, that's not going to help him in the fall with the vast majority of Pennsylvanians who are not.

But beyond that, as I mentioned in comments yesterday:

He conflated being anti-trade, pro-gun, religious, and bigoted. Now that implies that these things are all similar in some way. They are either good traits, or bad traits, but the implication (and what it is clear that Obama, and much of the Democrat elite believe, based not just on this one foot-in-mouth incident, but many over the years) is that these are bad things. Now I happen to believe that bigotry and opposition to trade are wrong, but I don't think that there's anything wrong with gun ownership (and use) or being religious.

But now we know what the Democrats think of ordinary people in this country. The notion that these double-plus ungood thoughts are caused by economic deprivation are entirely beside the point. It was the bigotry of the elitist Democrats on display, and it wasn't pretty. Now as it happens, Hillary believes this, too, but at least she's savvy enough to lie about it, so she'll be able to take big-time advantage of it.

Commenter "Bob"'s amusing response to this was:

Obama never said or even implied that being anti-trade, pro-gun, religious, and/or being bigoted is bad (although of course everyone says that being bigoted is bad). He was saying that what those four traits have in common is that the Republicans have a lock on them! Now, lets pause, because saying that Republicans or their party has a lock on bigotry is controversial and argumentative (and untrue, in my opinion), but he was speaking to a partisan crowd.

In any case, Rand, I believe you misunderstood. Obama was making an argument for why people vote Republican. He was talking about the Democrat-Republican axis, not the Good-Bad axis.

Well, this might be salient if so many Democrats didn't equate "Republican" with "bad." But there's a lot of truth to the old cliche, Republicans think that Democrats are foolish, and Democrats think that Republicans are evil. If "Bob" doesn't think that there aren't many elitist Democrats (and you can bet that that room to which Obama was speaking last Friday was chock full of them) who think that guns and gun owners are bad, and that religiosity (at least "right-wing conservative" religiosity) is "bad" (and "Republican") then he must not get out much, and hasn't been listening to very many speeches by them.

In fact, Iowahawk hilariously captured this kind of bewilderment with homo red-status and condescension in a spoof on a speech by Howard Dean a year and a half ago. Believe me, satire like this doesn't work without an underlying truth. And it works brilliantly.

[Update a couple minutes later]

Barack Obama, you're no Ronald Reagan.

I'm most of the way through Jonah's book, and it really is an eye opener. While I was somewhat aware of the history that he describes, he ties things together in a very compelling way, and it's quite clear that we have had a number of fascist presidents, going back to the prototype, Woodrow Wilson, who inspired both Mussolini and Hitler, and many of whose staff ended up in the Roosevelt administration. Interestingly, the president who was one of the least fascist of the twentieth century was probably the one at whom that epithet was hurled the most by the mindless left (at least until George W. Bush came along)--Ronald Reagan. I remember as a kid visiting California, back in 1967, and seeing bumper stickers out there saying "Hitler Is Alive And Living In Sacramento."

But as JPod points out, it is the Obamites who are creating the personality cult, and it is Michelle Obama who is making demands of the citizens, something that Reagan never did, and would never have done.

[Update a couple minutes]

Here's a comment from JPod's post that I think is quite insightful:

Obama said that bitter middle Americans cling to guns or religion. What that actually means is that most Americans erroneously rely on themselves or their God to provide and protect them and not the collective state. And they do so not out of bitterness, but from a foundational belief that "We the People" form a more perfect union, not "We the State" form a more perfect people.

It's not middle America that's bitter but Obama. And since he clings to the power of the state to provide and protect him and wants middle America to do so as well. That's the cynicism that Barak and Michelle Obama wants us to shed, our cynicism of the state as our protector and provider. And that's why Michelle Obama is, for the first time in a long time, proud of America, because she stands at threshold of not only scolding Obama for not putting his socks in the hamper and the butter in the cupboard, but the rest of America as well.

Indeed.

[OK, (at least) one more]

Over at Reason, Michael Young nails it:

Obama's approach betrays a very suffocating vision of the state as the be-all and end-all of political-cultural behavior. Outside the confines of the state there is no salvation, only resentment. This is nonsense, but it also partly explains why Obama is so admired among educated liberals, who still view the state as the main medium of American providence.

For those who haven't read Jonah's book, I think that I can concisely summarize his (more benign) definition of fascism as a religion of, and worship of, the state.

[Yet another update]

Obviously, satire aside, I find this an important topic. Donald Sensing gets right to the nub of it as well, and why I could never vote for Barack Obama:

Let's look at Obama's laundry list of Pennsylvanians' dysfunctions again:
bitterness
"Clinging to"
guns
religion
racism
chauvinism
anti-trade sentiment

Reading the full context of Obama's remarks, it strikes me that he believes that all of these (presumed) symptoms spring from the fact that there is too little control of the economy by the federal government. Obama said that all of these dysfunctions began when the government let their jobs go away and then, through both Republican and Democrat administrations, did nothing to "regenerate" them.

It is the lack of regulation of the economy, Obama believes, that makes people bitter, racist, religious, hunters, patriotic or protectionist. All these things are bad, and they all result from free-market, democratic capitalism. I know that many of you reading this will think I'm over-reaching here, but I stand my ground: Obama's remarks are in fact as clear a declaration of cleaving to socialism as almost anything he could have said.

...what I find especially disturbing in Obama's remarks, that I have not seen in Mrs. Clinton's ever, is the ideal of the "perfectibility of man." This is the hoariest socialist doctrine of all, explicit in Marxism and later, Marxism-Leninism. This is an idea so utterly vacuous and foolish that not even the Euro socialist governments cleave to it, if they ever did, except in Eastern Europe, and then only when they were communist. Clearly implicit on Obama's remarks is the idea that since racism, religion et. al., arise from the lack of government regulation, they can be expunged by more of it.

You see, we can all become virtuous if only the government controlled our lives.

Not only are Obama's remarks a clarion call to socialism, they also objectify the people he refers to. He dismissed them as free, moral agents in their own right. Gosh, it's no wonder those white people hate blacks and Hispanics, go to church and buy guns and feel angry - they can't help it. The government has let them down. But with proper government regulation, intervention, activism (oh, just pick your own name), then they won't be racists, religious, xenophobic, or own guns.

Emphasis mine. "Perfectibility of man" isn't just a Marxist concept: it's a fascist one as well.

[Early evening update]

The Obama prayer:

O Bama, who art on the campaign trail,
hallowed be thy name;
thy election come;
thy will be done,
in the US as it is in Europe.
Give us this day our daily entitlements.
And forgive us our political incorrectness,
as we forgive those bible-thumping gun-toting hicks
that trespass against us.
And lead us not into capitalism;
but deliver us from patriotism.
For thine is the STATE,
the power, and the glory,
For ever and ever (and ever).

Amen.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 09:59 AM

April 11, 2008
The Slow Descent Into Hell

Barack Obama showed his deft political touch today, and demonstrated his keen insight into the lives of the little people in this country, with a speech that is sure to be worth at least thirty points in Pennsylvania in the upcoming primary:

You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them... And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

I asked around the area, to see how his obvious compassion for Pennsylvanians was viewed. This is just one story, from one man in West Deer Township, but I'm sure that it's typical.

"By cracky, it's like the man sees into my very soul!

"Thirty years ago, I had a good job in the mill in Pittsburgh. I was bringing in a good income, going to jazz clubs, discussing Proust over white wine and brie, with my gay friends of all colors. I was all for free trade, so that we could sell the steel overseas, and I never bothered to go to church, let alone actually believe in God.

"But then, the plant closed down, and I couldn't get another job. I went on unemployment, and found odd jobs here and there, but they barely paid the rent on the loft, and the payment on the Bimmer. I couldn't afford the wine and brie any more, and had to shift over to beer and brats.

"Of course, as a result, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd--the beer drinkers.

"And it wasn't just the beer. Some of them actually went out in the woods in the fall, and shot animals. And kilt 'em. With real guns!

"I was shocked, of course. For all their diversity, none of my gay friends would have ever thought of doing anything like that. But with my job loss, and lack of money for pedicures and pommade, they didn't want to hang with me any more. So I borried a twelve gauge over'n'under, and went out with my new beer-drinking animal-killing friends in the woods. And I'll tell you what, when I shot down that eight-pointer, I felt a sense of power over the helpless in a way that I hadn't since I'd been looking down on the rednecks when I had that good job in Pittsburgh, driving around town in my 528i.

"But somehow the killing, and hating those two-timing nancy boys wasn't enough. I was still in despair. I started to search for answers, and I thought that I found them in Jesus. It started small, just church on Sunday, with prayers and a lecture from the preacher.

"But it didn't stop there. Soon I was attending Wednesday night revivals, and huzzahing and hossanahing, and babbling with the best of them. After a few months I'd graduated to juggling garter snakes, then rattlers.

"But it wasn't enough. Despite all the gun caressing, and animal killing, and hatred of people who weren't like me, and anger at the Colombians who were...doing something to me--I'm not entirely sure what, and the tongue speaking and snake handling, I still couldn't find a job.

"My social life continued to deteriorate. Not only was I no longer interested in those sensitive swishes, or literature, but I was starting to look with lust at my sister. And not just look, I'll tell you what. She'd been out of work, too, and was getting mighty interested, if you know what I mean.

"I have hit rock bottom.

"Please, help me, O Bama. Forgive me, O Bama. O Bama, my Bama, rescue me from this living hell in which Reagan, and Bush, and Clinton, and Bush, have consigned me. Restore unto me my loft and my teutonic status symbol. Give me back my poofter friends, and my pinot grigio and my baked gruyere, and lattes. Save me from the killing and the beer, and most of all, from Jesus. Save me, O my Bama, and I will commit my vote unto you.

This is just one story of the many lives that Barack Obama has touched, and blessed, this day in the benighted Keystone State. But with his obvious compassion, and ability to feel the pain of others so unlike him, he is sure to carry the state in a couple weeks.

[Late evening update]

Ace has more:

Obama To Rural Pennsylvanians: Vote For Me, You Corncob-Smokin', Banjo-Strokin' Chicken-Chokin' Cousin-Pokin' Inbred Hillbilly Racist Morons

Yeah, that's about it.

[Saturday morning update]

More from Mickey Kaus:

Excuse me? Hunting is part of working-class American culture. Does Obama really think that working-class whites in Pennsylvania were gun control liberals until their industries were downsized, whereas they all rushed to join the NRA ...

I used to think working class voters had conservative values because they were bitter about their economic circumstances--welfare and immigrants were "scapegoats," part of the false consciousness that would disappear when everyone was guaranteed a good job at good wages. Then I left college. ...

...Rather than trying to spin his way out, wouldn't it be better for Obama to forthrightly admit his identity? Let's have a national dialogue about egghead condescension!

[Mid-Saturday morning update]

This is turning out to be the Blazing Saddles election:

It's amazing how many lines from that movie work for this campaign.
The first question Obama got in Iowa

What's a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?

Explaining the Iowa caucus to newcomers

Now, I suppose you're all wondering just what in the heck you're doing out here in the middle of a prairie in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night.
Crowd: You bet your ass.

Despite setbacks, Mike Gravel stays in the race

no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.

Obama's campaign theme

He conquered fear and he conquered hate He turned dark night into day.

Hillary rounds up her operatives

I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.

Ezra Klein hears a speech

God darnit...you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

Obama after every press appearance

Ooh, baby, you are so talented! And they are so DUMB!

Obama explaining his post-racial appeal

Well, to tell the family secret, my grandmother was Dutch.

But Hispanics are skeptical of Obama and his supporters

Hast du gesehen in deine Leben? They're darker than us!

The party's new reaction to Hillary

Shut up, you Teutonic tw@t!

The anguish of the superdelegates

We've gotta protect our phoney baloney jobs, gentlemen!

and of course for the current situation

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

[Update a couple minutes later]

Oooh, oooohhh, there's more! I found Obama's Facebook page. Note that one of his favorite books is one about an obsessive hatred of a white whale.

So, is a cigar just a cigar? I report, you decide.

[Update a few minutes later]

One more (more serious) thought. When Obama talks about "clinging to religion," is he saying that his religious belief is founded in something other than economic hardship? Or is he implying that, despite his words and church attendance for the past twenty years, that he's at heart an agnostic, if not an atheist? Was the church thing all for political show (as it was with at least Bill, if not both Clintons)? And of course, if these are his true feelings (and I suspect that one is more likely to hear what he really thinks when he perceives himself to be among a friendly audience), then it's not surprising that he could sit through twenty years of Pastor Wright bigotry and hatred and find nothing exceptional or objectionable about it. He's smart enough to know that others will find it so, so he pretends to be outraged when called on it, but he wasn't smart enough to see how his remarks in this case would be viewed by those to whom he unconsciously condescends.

I think that this could be a campaign killer in the fall. That sound bite will be shown over and over again. I just regret that it came out this soon. Unfortunately, the Democrats still have a chance to eject him before he gets the nomination. But even if they do, it will still be an electoral disaster for them. The problem is that it isn't just Obama. Most of them are just smart enough not to voice their bigotry publicly, but this is how much of the party itself views rural and middle America, and it's going to hurt them all through the fall. And justly so.

[Late morning update]

Mark Steyn has further thoughts:

I had a ton of fun covering Kerry's awkwardness with Americans but, in fairness, it was essentially a consumerist snobbery: he preferred the Newburgh Yacht Club for lunch over the local Wendy's, he'd rather be windsurfing off Nantucket than rednecking at Nascar, etc. Obama's snobbery seems more culturally profound, and unlike Kerry he can't plead the crippling disadvantage of a privileged childhood. Rather, Barack's condescension reveals a man out of touch with the rhythms of American life to a degree that's hard to fathom. As Michelle says, they "chose" to "leave corporate America", and Barack became a "community organizer" and she wound up a 350-grand-a-year "diversity outreach coordinator". I've no idea what either of those careers involve, and most of us seem able to get along without them. But their remoteness from the American mainstream perhaps explains why the Obamas seem to have no clue how Americans live their lives.

And yes, I'm a foreigner. But it takes one to know one, and this guy seems weirdly disconnected from everything except neo-segregationist Afrocentric grievance politics and upscale white liberal condescension. Not much of a coalition.

But that's the modern Democrat Party. Without the media (which is as elitist as they are) in their pocket, they'd never stand a chance.

[Early afternoon update]

Was Obama's faux pas the sound of the horse beginning to clear its throat for its aria? This kind of thing is what keeps Hillary from dropping out.

[Another update a few minutes later]

And of course, Iowahawk has to pile on, with a golden oldie about rebellious youth:

Like most of their classmates, these North Shore Neckies were once bound for some of the top universities in America -- Yale, Duke, Stanford, Northwestern -- until they succumbed to the allure of the Downhome slacker lifestyle. Now some openly talk of dropping out, learning TIG welding, waiting tables at Waffle House or draining oil at Jiffy Lube; some even hint of enrolling at Iowa State. What drives privileged teens to such seemingly self-destructive behavior?

"I guess you might could say we're rebels," says Rachel 'Tyffanie' Stern, 17, lighting a Merit Menthol 100. Once destined for Vassar, Stern is now living with friends after her parents kicked her out of the house for spending her bat mitzvah money on a bass boat. Last month she became the youngest Jewish female to win an event on the Bassmasters Pro Tour.

Pausing for furtive glances, several of the teens share sniffs from a bottle of Harmon Triple Heat deer scent.

"Wooo-eee, shit howdy, that's gonna bring a mess of them whitetail bucks," says 19-year old Wei-Li 'Lamar' Cheung. A former Westinghouse Science Award winner, Cheung has devoted his chemistry and biology skill to building a fledgling hunting supply business.

A first generation Asian-American, Cheung says he was drawn to the group by their acceptance of minorities. "Hell, I kept tellin' all my family and teachers I wanna play fiddle, not violin," he explains. "The 'Necks accept me the way I am."

African-American Kwame 'Joe Don' Harris agrees. "Just because I'm black, teachers were always pushing me to go to Spellman to study Langston Hughes and Thelonius Monk," says the 17 year old. "These ol' boys here never laugh at my dream to be a crew chief for the Craftsman Truck Series."

If there is one aspiration that unites them all, it is the dream of moving to Branson, Missouri. Long famed for its laid-back attitude toward religion, country music and the military, Branson has become a Mecca for radical young Neckies seeking an escape from the stultifying conformity of their coastal hometowns.

Only Barack can save us from this ongoing tragedy.

[Late afternoon update]

Obama is doing damage control with some of the ~~yoke~~locals. I'm sure that Miss Hathaway will be able to smooth things over, except maybe with Grannie.

[Update on Sunday evening]

I've quit updating have some follow-up thoughts on Obama, and what this means about his attitudes toward individualism, here.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 05:06 PM

March 22, 2008
War Critics Decry Interminable And Unwinnable Conflict

January 15th, 1945

WASHINGTON (Routers) With the "Allied" forces continuing to be bogged down in the Ardennes Forest, many are questioning Roosevelt administration war policies, the unreasonable length of the war, and even whether or not it can be won.

The 7th Army's VI Corps is waging a desperate, and perhaps futile battle with German troops, surrounded on three sides in the Alsace region. A whole month after the beginning of the renewed German offensive, with almost twenty-thousand American troops dead in this battle alone, there remains no clear end in sight, or hope that the American lines can be closed.

There are serious questions about the competence of Generals Bradley and Patton, concerns that were only heightened shortly after the beginning of the battle, when two armies from Bradley's army group were removed from his command and placed under that of the British General Montgomery. General Montgomery's comments in a press conference a week ago have served only to buttress such legitimate doubts. He didn't even mention their names in describing the limited efforts to recapture lost ground, that remains unsuccessful, with the Germans continuing to take the initiative.

Many point out that these lengthy battles, and lengthy wars, are somehow indicative of a fundamental failure of American policy, not just in waging the war, but in the very decision to enter into it.

"It's not just that we're a whole month into this battle with no clear resolution or exit strategy. In a few more months, this war will have gone on as long as the Civil War," said one Republican critic of the administration. "And that one was Americans against Americans. We should have expected to do much better against Germans. After all, this war has now gone on twice as long as World War I, when we mopped up the Kaiser in a year and a half." He went on, "It's clearly the fault of this Roosevelt administration, that lied us into war, and then botched it. I'll bet that had Tom Dewey won the election a couple months ago, he would have exercised his judgment by immediately implementing his policy of not having entered the war."

Others disagree. One administration spokesman has said on background that this seems like flawed logic.

"One can't judge war progress by a calendar. Wars aren't run on a schedule, and every one is different," he pointed out. "And neither can one judge the progress of a battle that way, or by the casualty count. Often the heaviest fighting occurs just before victory. Our heaviest losses at Normandy were just before we took the beach and the cliffs."

"Yes, the fighting is fierce in the Ardennes now, but Hitler is waging a war on two fronts, and he's down to young boys and old men as soldiers. We will simply have to outlast him, and I'm confident that we will start making serious progress into Germany in a month."

But war opponents will have none of it.

"This administration has been telling us we've been winning for two and a half years, ever since Midway," said the leader of one of the prominent anti-war groups. After over three years of killing and terror, it's time to stop the lies, and the war."

Posted by Rand Simberg at 02:52 PM

March 12, 2008
Apres Spitzer, The Deluge

Iowahawk is on the case. First, he talks about the damage to the brand of high-priced courtesans, and then, to commemorate, he has a new song: Love Client #9 (warning, strong content).

And just for the record, he takes a little poetic license. I won't say how I know, but what he says about Jewish girls isn't necessarily true.

I mean, hey, the Happy Hooker is Jewish...

Posted by Rand Simberg at 02:57 PM

February 27, 2008
Guess He Is The Messiah

Just call Barack Mr. Potato Head:

So when Jamie Lynn Dixon looked down at the potato she noticed that staring back at her was the visage of a man. And not just any man.

"Is it Jesus?" Earl Sr. asked.

"No," replied his son. "Better. It's Obama."

Right off, three of the waitresses up and fainted at the mere mention of Obama's name.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 07:07 AM

February 12, 2008
No Thynge Coold Plese Me Moore

...than a blogge by Sir Iowahawke on that ArchBisheoppe Of Canterbeerry:

25 Sayeth the pilgryms to Bishop Rowan,
26 "Father, we do not like howe thynges are goin'.

27 You know we are as Lefte as thee,

28 But of layte have beyn chaunced to see

29 From Edinburgh to London-towne

30 The Musslemans in burnoose gowne

31 Who beat theyr ownselfs with theyr knyves

32 Than goon home and beat theyr wyves

33 And slaye theyr daughtyrs in honour killlynge

34 Howe do we stoppe the bloode fromme spillynge?"

35 The Bishop sipped upon hys tea

36 And sayed, "an open mind must we

37 Keep, for know thee well the Mussel-man

38 Has hys own laws for hys own clan

39 So question not hys Muslim reason

40 And presaerve ye well social cohesion."

Reade, thee, the reste.

It cood be only the product of an undhimmified English major.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:16 PM

January 30, 2008
Another Seventies Teevee Classic

I don't know where Iowahawk finds these things. I barely remember Makaniak myself.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 08:26 AM

December 14, 2007
Church Massacre Spurs Calls For Effective Gun Control

December 14th, 2007

COLORADO SPRINGS (APUPI) As a mass memorial service was held today for the seventy-three victims of the massacre at the New Life Church, one of the largest such grim tolls in the nations' history, gun-control advocates pointed out the continuing folly of allowing civilians access to pistols and assault weapons.

"This never would have happened had Matthew Murray not been able to get his hands on those weapons, " said Sarah Brady, head of Handgun Control, Incorporated. "He had two handguns, an assault rifle, and a thousand rounds of ammunition. Seventy-three people are dead now, and thousands more wounded, because the NRA continues to block reasonable gun-control measures."

With Sunday's slaughter still fresh in the minds of many, she pointed out that now was the time to end such incidents once and for all, with effective laws against both handguns and assault weapons.

The toll was horrific for the church, which lost not only many parishioners, but its senior pastor, Brady Boyd. Also killed was Jeanne Assam, one of the church's security guards. She had bravely stood up and warned the gunman as he entered the building after killing two girls in the parking lot, and pointed out the "gun-free zone" sign at the church entrance. However, she herself was unarmed, per church policy, and was shot down before Murray went on to shoot numerous others behind her.

While the police are to be commended on their fast response of twelve minutes from the time someone had the presence of mind to call 911 on their cell phone, by the time they could bring in someone to take out the shooter, he had had time to kill sixty nine others, and wound another hundred and twenty one.

Some have made the controversial suggestion that the death toll might have been lower had Ms. Assam been allowed to carry a firearm herself, something which, as a former police officer, she was well trained to do. In addition, she held a permit to legally carry a concealed weapon in Colorado. But the church rules, for obvious safety reasons, didn't allow weapons on the premises.

Mrs. Brady finds such suggestions dangerous and ludicrous. "What is a woman going to do with a handgun against a man with two pistols and an assault rifle?" she asked. "Adding more weapons to the mix would only have increased the carnage. What they needed was bigger letters on the sign."

Posted by Rand Simberg at 11:57 AM

November 27, 2007
More Trouble For Hollywood

As is the case with their war against the war, their war against Christmas isn't going so well, either:

Despite the disappointing weekend showing, MPAA spokesman Bell said that industry still has high hopes for 17 more anti-Santa films that will open nationwide this weekend, including "The Reindeer Hunter," "Shop Loss," and Quentin Tarantino's much anticipated "Workshop of Blood."

[Hint for the humor impaired--it's Iowahawk, on a roll]

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:04 PM

November 19, 2007
Network Experts Cast Doubt on Alleged Hirohito Recording

Senate Leaders Warn: Administration May Try to Spin Victory Claim

Aug. 16th, 1945.

WASHINGTON, DC (Routers) Network experts today cast doubt on the authenticity of the enigmatic recording released by the Administration yesterday, and alleged to be a radio address by Emperor Hirohito. Some Administration figures have begun to spin the alleged recording as a "surrender" speech broadcast by Hirohito on Japanese radio, although objective experts have pointed out that, as Hirohito's voice has never been heard in public before, there is no way to guarantee that the voice was actually his, or even that it had been actually broadcast on Japanese radio.

"We have only the recording made by a military monitoring station on occupied Okinawa. Obviously the Truman Administration and the OSS could have fabricated the recording as a part of the campaign to spin the administration's war as a 'victory'," said one expert, speaking on background.

Objective experts also pointed out that the alleged speech was made in an obscure form of Japanese purported to be the "court dialect," which was scarcely intelligible to normal Japanese speakers. All of the translations have been made by linguists in government employ, another suspicious circumstance. Administration spokesmen, when questioned on this point, objected that virtually every American able to translate Japanese is currently on government payroll. When asked to comment on this statement, the expert smiled and said "That's convenient, isn't it?"

Due to the use of the alleged court dialect, translations have differed widely. The administration claims, for example, that the Emperor's words could be translated as having "accepted the Four Power Declaration." Other linguists objected, stating that the words actually translated more accurately as "have heard the Four Power Declaration," a reading that does not imply that Japan has agreed to its terms, or will cease fighting. "It's ambiguous," said one.

They also pointed out that the emperor's call for the Japanese to "endure the unendurable" could equally be interpreted as a call for the Japanese to endure yet more combat and bombing.

Anti-war leaders in the Senate were adamant in warning the American public not to fall for Administration spin. They claim that they are not going to back down from their demands for an end to the war. One Senate staffer was vehement:

"This is yet one more attempt by the administration to rally public support for a pointless, costly war that America has already lost. We have supposedly had victory in Europe for months now, yet the troops still remain, facing the dread Werewolf insurgency. Thousands of American casualties show up in the sick call every morning, incapacitated by venereal disease and alcohol poisoning from the "victory celebrations" staged by the administration. Tens of thousands of Germans are emigrating to Brazil and Argentina, deprived of their homes and livelihoods by the administration's "denazification" process," and hundreds of thousands of Jews have left Europe for America and Palestine. No matter what kind of shine the administration wants to put on this, this war will never be over until they return."

He went on: "Now our occupation of the portion of the Japanese homeland in Okinawa is driving the Japanese to fiercer resistance. Millions of Japanese troops remain undefeated on the Japanese mainland, and in the home islands themselves. It defies logic that the Emperor would surrender while these forces remain undefeated, or even tested. How many more American lives will be lost in this senseless war? The only sensible policy, which we believe the American people endorsed in the 1944 elections, is to withdraw all troops from the Atlantic and Pacific theaters immediately, release Admiral Doenitz, and his ministers from the OSS prison where they were brought through illegal rendition, along with the rightful President of France, Marshall Petain, and to bring US forces home immediately from Okinawa and other occupied Japanese territories. We should also look into what happened to the Fuerher, who may come out of hiding, wherever he is, if he realizes that we're now ready to be reasonable and end this war. Peace can be pursued by requesting that the Spanish Caudillo, General Franco, and the Emperor of Manchuria, who have an interest in regional peace, mediate with the German and Japanese governments."

"It's too bad that 600,000 American casualties were squandered by the Roosevelt and Truman administrations in their pointless war on questionable grounds, sparked by the suspect and disputed 'Pearl Harbor' incident. However, their blood is on the administration's hands. We are only trying to save further American lives by recognizing reality and rejecting false claims that 'victory' is near."

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:41 AM

October 24, 2007
It's Not Global Warming

The California fires were started by those wascally Jews, and here's the proof.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 11:33 PM

October 19, 2007
A Pleasant Dream

The Nobel Peace Prize committee disbands.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 12:48 PM

October 11, 2007
That Darn Sandy

Iowahawk has dug up another teevee classic from our childhoods.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 07:31 AM

October 04, 2007
The Scourge Of Academia

Lee Bollinger's Disease.

Maybe we need a telethon.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 10:38 AM

August 23, 2007
Now This Is Just Cruel

Wooing the Bloomberg base.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:42 PM

August 03, 2007
The Bridge Collapse

You'll be as shocked as I was to learn that for once, it wasn't Bush's fault. It was Kevin Bacon's fault. But then, it's probably Kevin Bacon's fault that Bush is president...

Posted by Rand Simberg at 04:00 PM

July 06, 2007
Warning Upgrade From The UK

Iowahawk has the scoop for those on the home front: look out for people doing things:

“We ask the public to report any behaviors by various people that may or may not be of a suspicious nature,” said Lt. Clive Jameson of the Metropolitan Police Service. “We further ask the public to be especially vigilant for activities of broad stratas of people who may be from countries of some sort, especially those within the eastern and/or western hemisphere.”
The elevated alert levels come on the heels of a week when London and Glasgow narrowly escaped potential events that intelligence experts say may have been related to diverse groups of people doing things. Initially police had specifically asked the public for information relating to doctors driving automobiles, but that initial warning brought angry denunciations from the British Medical Association and the UK Automobile Association.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 05:27 AM

June 20, 2007
The Case Of The Missing Ratings

Inspector Dan Rather returns, and is on the case.

Transterrestrial's lawyers recommend that I warn you to put down all beverages while reading, in the interest of not being sued for keyboard and monitor replacement.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 03:04 PM

May 24, 2007
Assimilated

Iowahawk has another report from the strife-torn Midwest, and it's encouraging--only a minority of Lutherans are in favor of decapitating Presbyterians and other infidels:

"The only demographic cohort we saw where murderous random violence had a majority support was among 18-35 year old male followers of the Wisconsin Synod," said Kohut. "And that was barely above the margin of error. Even then, fewer than half (41% to 46%) said they would personally volunteer to carry out the violence themselves."
Further bolstering the findings, Kohut noted that fewer than 6% of respondents physically attacked field interviewers during the survey.

Although a majority 87% of respondents agreed that "The world should be brought to submission under global Lutheran conquest and eternal perfect rule," there was a great deal of disagreement on the means to accomplish it. More than 95% supported "pancake breakfasts" and "popcorn fundraisers," but support dropped to less than 80% for "cow tipping" and "T-P'ing infidel houses." Support dropped even more dramatically for more violent means of conquest, such as "suicide bombing" (28%), "decapitation" (24%), and "running over Presbyterians with my Ski-Doo" (23%).

Posted by Rand Simberg at 05:37 AM

May 22, 2007
The Hokey Pokey

Lileks (among other things) summarizes the immigration bill:

6 (1) (D) Undocumented Xenonationals who have been in the country since noon March 16, 2004 (this language reflects a compromise between the hardline “AM” faction and moderates who wanted to extend the deadline to 4:57 PM) will have to report to a government office to announce they are departing. This is the HIMBG Provision, or the “Hello, I Must Be Going” provision. Immigrants will have to return to the Mexican border, put their left foot in, put their left foot out, put their left foot in and shake it all about. (Language requiring that the applicant then “do the hokey pokey was removed over an inability to define the exact nature of said action.) The immigrant is then required to return to the place where he announced he was leaving, present a notarized photograph of himself sticking a portion of his body into Mexican airspace; at that point, he will be eligible to receive a “Q” visa, which enables him to start the process towards a "Z" visa, which estabishes a legal framework towards a “path towards citizenship,” although applicants who have paid 67% of their adjusted tax burden over the last 14 years, minus inflation, will be put on a “jogging path” towards citizenship.

He also has words for Richard Schickel and his contempt of blogger critics.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 05:56 AM

April 28, 2007
Is That A Gun In Your Pocket?

Iowahawk has been dumpster diving again, and come up with the first draft of Dan Simpson's modest proposal:

The disarmament process would begin after the initial three-month amnesty. Then, special squads of police would be somehow formed and trained to carry out the work. Then, on a random basis to permit no advance warning, BLAMMO! city blocks and stretches of suburban and rural areas would be cordoned off and searches carried out in every business, dwelling, and empty building, bedside drawer, farm field, tree, culvert, bush, stalagtyte cave, water tower, and body cavity. The special squads would receive special training in scuba, spelunking and interrogation techniques. All firearms would be seized. The owners of weapons found in the searches would be prosecuted: $1,000 and one year in prison for each firearm. The gun owner prison should probably be put between the museum and the arsenal for efficiency, such as for guard training and so forth.
Clearly, since such sweeps could not take place all across the country at the same time. But fairly quickly there would begin to be gun-swept, gun-free areas where there should be no firearms. After the sweeps are done, the special squads would put big signs all over the swept area that said "NO GUNS HERE" in order to restore public calm. For signs, maybe the special squads could use something like the big inflatable gorilla like the one I saw atop Lakeside Subaru last week, when I was getting the oil changed on my Impreza.

But, just in case any wiseacres in the swept areas somehow figured out how to avoid seizure, anybody carrying guns would be subject to quick confiscation and prosecution. On the streets it would be a question of stop-and-search of anyone, even grandma with her walker, with the same penalties for "packing." The roaming squads of special police have a question for Grandma: do you feel lucky, you depends-wearing punk?

Posted by Rand Simberg at 11:09 AM

April 10, 2007
Democrats Announce New Diplomatic Policy

WASHINGTON (APUPI) In a new attempt to finally bring a rogue regime to heel, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced today that they plan to diplomatically isolate the White House.

In response to an invitation from the president to come to the White House and discuss a troop funding bill, Senator Reid rejected it, saying "We won't meet with preconditions. We hope that the road to peace lies down Pennsylvania Avenue, but we can't trust this administration, and they don't seem willing to negotiate on our obvious need to get the troops out of Iraq as soon as possible, and to lard the funding bill with things like spinach subsidies, despite the fact that we obviously couldn't have passed it in the form we wanted without them."

Speaker Pelosi agreed. "It's one thing to meet with a peace-loving world leader like Bashar al-Assad, or President Ahmadinejad," she said. "It's another to meet with a theocratic warmonger like George Bush. If we dignify his illegitimate regime with a negotiation, how will we ever build international pressure against him, and end his imperialistic ambitions?"

Upon receiving the rejection of its invitation, the White House expressed its disappointment. "We are saddened by the decision of the Congressional majority to refuse to discuss this important issue," said the White House Press Secretary. "The troops should be above politics like this."

The leadership on the Hill was having none of it, however.

"We know from long experience that we can't trust this lying government," said Senator Reid. "The next step, if this doesn't force them to recognize reality, will be economic sanctions. We'll move to cut off funds to Halliburton, open up the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to plunge oil prices, and cut off mountain bike exports to Crawford, Texas."

Posted by Rand Simberg at 04:51 PM

April 05, 2007
414Truth.Org

Finally, someone is digging into what really happened to the Titanic and (you know) who was responsible. As Jonah notes, expect Rosie to declare that ice has never harmed metal.

Oh, and here's a reminder that we still haven't gotten the truth out about 127.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 10:40 AM

March 20, 2007
Stop The Madness

All of this good news on the Second Amendment front made me decide to dredge up a golden oldie and republish it, since I don't have a lot of time write now for original material. Many new readers will probably be unfamiliar with it.

I often disagree with Bill O'Reilly, but I want to defend him.

A lot of smart people are bashing him on line, particularly in the blogosphere, but I think that this just proves his point. I think that he's spot on with this erudite and well-reasoned editorial. This "Internet" is just too powerful.

When the Founders wrote the First Amendment, they could never have conceived a technology that would allow anyone to publish anything at any time, at almost no cost, and have it readable by millions instantaneously.

In fact, inspired by this work, I'm working on a book, tentatively titled "Publishing America: Origins Of The Free-Speech Myth," in which my thesis is that very few people had access to printing presses in colonial times, and this notion of a long American tradition of a free press and individual freedom of expression is simply propaganda of First Amendment extremists. I've painstakingly gone over old probate inventories, and can show statistically that very few homes traditionally had means of printing and, such few as there were, they had mostly fallen into such a state of disrepair as to be useless.

Unfortunately, my pet iguana ate all of my notes, so you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm sure the print nuts will employ their usual ad hominem tactics, and call me a fraud.

Anyway, it's one thing to have free speech when the most effective means of communicating ideas is with a printing press that few can afford, and has to have the type carefully set by hand, and they have to be printed on expensive paper, and transported no faster than a horse can run, and distributed by walking door to door.

Such a laborious and expensive process as colonial-era printing ensured that potentially dangerous ideas were more thought out, and well edited, and could usually be easily traced to their author. So, given that the investment in publishing was so high, it made it much more likely that only responsible people would be publishing things, and that you wouldn't have wackos running around spewing crazy or confused, even false or misinformed notions at innocent and naive passers by.

In that environment, it made perfect sense to grant an individual right to print things (to bear presses, as it were), because there was little danger of it getting out of hand.

But surely the Founders never intended for every single citizen to be able to exercise such a right--in their wisdom, they would have known it would lead to chaos and unfettered thought. They couldn't possibly have imagined the rapid-fire distribution of dangerous ideas made possible by twenty-first-century technology. Why, some people might have even put forth the absurd notion that free speech is the right of everyone.

Had they actually anticipated the possibility that the cost of publishing could drop so dramatically, they would surely have made the First Amendment a much more explicitly collective right (like the Second), in which people would only have a right to free speech in a well-regulated state newspaper.

Let's be reasonable--of course it's fine to let people have typewriters, and copiers, as long as they don't have a paper magazine of more than a quarter-ream capacity, and can't print more than two pages per minute in high-density color. There are legitimate uses for such things--printing up book reports for school, making PTA meeting notices and party invitations, and the like. We respect the rights of those who wish to indulge in such innocuous, if pointless activities, long a part of the American cultural tradition (though it would certainly make sense to register such equipment, in case it's stolen, or lest they're used to express some untoward or scandalous thought).

Of course, we do need to outlaw the cheap Sunday-night specials, old manual machines still available in pawn shops, with sticky keys, that cause ink stains, and from which a large number of late term papers are produced by the criminal procrastinating class during the witching hours. But really, folks, chill--no one wants to take away your typewriters.

But the Founders would realize also, just as Bill O'Reilly and I do today, that no one, other than the police and politicians, needs the kind of "idea assault" publishing capability offered by word processors, blogging software, and even fifteen-page-per-minute ink-jet printers, which really have no legitimate use--they only propagate calumny and wrong-headed notions, tragically damaging innocent celebrities' egos, sometimes permanently.

This past weekend, just to demonstrate how easy it is to lay hands on such dangerous equipment, I exploited the notorious "computer show loophole," and went out to the big show in Pomona, California. There, I saw entire halls filled with purveyors of high-speed idea processors, rapid-fire printers, and even modems capable of transmitting thoughts at frightening rates, up to gigabytes per second. For only $4.99, with not so much as an ID requirement, let alone a background check, I was able to purchase an "assault keyboard," with several internet hotkeys. It was fully automatic--holding down any key would result in a torrent of characters being spit out, hundreds per minute. I even saw teenaged children buying them.

Yet, when people propose sensible regulations over this, we hear hysterical cries about "freedom of expression," and "from my cold, dead fingers." But surely the far-fringe First Amendment absolutists are misreading it--there is a hint of a shadow of an umbra of a penumbra in there, easily accessed by referencing the Second Amendment. Bearing this in mind, it is more properly read with the following implicit preface: "A well-regulated press being necessary for the security of the State and self-important talk-show hosts, Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble..."

Clearly, viewed in the light of that implicit purpose clause, these were not intended to be individual rights, any more than they were in the Second Amendment, because obviously, the Founders wouldn't have meant one thing by the words "the right of the people" in the one case, and a different thing in the other, particularly in two adjacent amendments.

Accordingly it is equally clear that we need to implement what would obviously have been the Founders' intent had they foreseen the Internet, and immediately pass some laws to get this thing under control. Let's do it for the children.

Particularly Bill O'Reilly.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 09:42 AM

February 17, 2007
My Fair Blogger

Iowahawk has penned a new musical. A comedy, natch, but not one for the kids.

[Evening update]

The 'Hawk just can't leave Amanda alone. Now he has her updated resume. Not to mention a photo essay of a frigid Wisconsin road trip and a rave review (presumably with tongue firmly planted in cheek) of the new Fox News comedy show.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 11:24 AM

January 31, 2007
Another First Draft

Iowahawk found an early copy of David Bell's essay, before the spoilsport editors got hold of it.

So why has there been such an overreaction? Unfortunately, the commentators who detect one have generally explained it in a tired, predictably ideological way: calling the United States a uniquely paranoid aggressor that always overreacts to provocation.
In a recent book, for instance, political scientist John Mueller evaluated the threat that terrorists pose to the United States and convincingly concluded that it has been, to quote his title, "Overblown." But then he screws up his whole awesome argument by adding that the United States has overreacted to every threat in its recent history, including even Pearl Harbor. Rather than trying to defeat Japan, he argued – get this -- we should have tried containment! Can you believe that guy?? For crying out loud, almost 3000 people died in those attacks! Any country would have naturally retaliated, with all guns blazing, and…

Um, okay, bad example. But Mueller forgets the three critical differences between the experiences of Pearl Harbor and 9-11: (a) we limited our retaliation to the actual Japanese, Germans, and Italians who performed the attack; (b) we had permission from France; and (c) in Pearl Harbor, we were probably the good guys.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 08:36 AM

December 22, 2006
Nuts

It was sixty two years ago that General McAuliffe gave his legendary response to the German surrender demands during the Battle of the Bulge. On the sixtieth anniversary, I described how today's media would have treated the matter.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 10:25 AM

December 13, 2006
Kofi Talk

Iowahawk has dredged up the first draft of Kofi Annan's deranged US-bashing speech.

First, in today's world we are all responsible for each other's security. Against such threats as nuclear proliferation, climate change, global pandemics or terrorist accountants plotting UN audits from their safe havens in failed superpowers, no nation can make itself secure by seeking supremacy over others, and their private financial records. Only by working together can we hope to achieve lasting security for ourselves, and perhaps a nice comfortable villa in Switzerland. Let’s just say that “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.”
But when we look at the murder, rape and starvation still being inflicted on the people of Darfur, we realize that our teams of fun-loving security back-scratchers can sometimes be a PR headache. That’s why we must also summon the political, economic and marketing muscle to keep ahead of the news cycle. Boys will be boys, and in the grand scheme of things, do a few rambunctious UN troops really matter when all the planet’s children are under the looming threat of climate change? I mean, what's with that? Do you people hate the planet’s children or something?

Posted by Rand Simberg at 05:57 AM

December 06, 2006
Bipartisan Commission Hailed For New Mathematical Achievement

WASHINGTON (APUPI) The media and political pundits lauded the preliminary results of the months-long commission to determine the true ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a circle today.

"This has been a troubling national issue, since the nation's founding. Several legislatures have attempted to proclaim the value of pi, in order to simplify mathematics for our students, but the effort has always been viewed as partisan and controversial," stated the introduction to the initial report, released today.

It was a long-standing controversy, viewed by many as a policy quagmire, that has been finally almost been laid to rest by a compromise report from a panel of distinguished experts from all sides of the political spectrum. The goal was to inject some "realism" into the debate, and because the blue-ribbon commission had equal numbers of Republicans and Democrats, no one can any longer claim that the recommendations provided are partisan in any way.

"Obviously, there has been a lot of dispute over this issue over the years," said the commission leader, Lincoln Chafee. "We wanted to ensure that we could generate a report and recommendations that most could accept, regardless of their self-contradictory, and trivial pabulatory nature."

Many had argued for a value of 3, claiming that this was the simplest number to use in calculations, and one that most students would have a prayer of remembering. Others thought that this was a laudatory goal, but that it would be too incongruent with the actual ratio to be useful, arguing instead that the number should be determined to be 3.142, which would be close enough to usually generate actual useful results, but not too difficult to recall. Another group thought that the value should be 4, to ensure that the number would not suffer from self-esteem issues by being too low.

One extremist radical contingent, dismissed by the mainstream members of the panel, insisted that it was an irrational number, computable only by adding an infinite series, and unable to be completely memorized by any human being. This was obviously an unacceptable solution, politically, since given its infinite nature, it wouldn't have been able to even be printed in the report in its entirety, let alone made statutory law.

Everyone was pleased when the determination was made to take an average of all of the members' positions, arriving at the value 3.45 (after throwing out the suggestions of those favoring the irrational solution, since adding it in would have made the final solution unprintable and unmemorizable as well).

"We expect that the president and Congress will quickly act on our recommendation once we finalize it, since it was made on a bipartisan basis, and based on months of discussion between washed-up diplomats, spongy former Supreme Court justices, and also-ran wishy-washy politicians," said a spokesman for the group.

"Of course, there is one more key step to determining the final number," she added.

"We have to ensure that this will be an acceptable decision to the world community. Therefore, before we finalize our report, we want to sit down and get the opinions of Iran and Syria, and incorporate their thoughts into the results. We'd like to include Israel as well, but we fear that, like those on the panel familiar with actual mathematics, they'll be too unrealistic. And irrational."

And thanks to Andy McCarthy for the inspiration.

[Thursday morning update]

Lileks isn't kind to the commission recommendations:

Imagine a government report on organized crime, demanding the following:
* The Mafia’s full adherance to the RICO and IRS statutes concerning independent contractors, including but not limited to Social Security contributions, FICA regulations, as well as compliance with state and federal laws concerning murder, extortion and kidnapping

* The Mafia’s full cooperation with all investigations into the deaths of Artie “Two Sheds” Palini, Ricky “The Squid” Piscatori, Jackie the Gaspipe, Tommy Shoes, and 16,302 others

* A verifiable cessation of Mafia contributions to local law enforcement officials

* The Mafia should use its influence with the Russian and Irish mobs to find out what the hell happened to that poor guy who wandered into the back room when they were all having a sit-down

* A verifiable cessation of Mafia efforts to undermine and circumvent the laws in the states of New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Chicago, as well as Nevada and portions of Kansas City which Johnny Mook swears he has no control over, but some of those hits just have his style written all over them

If those things are done, well, the price of garbage hauling in selected municipalities might decrease. But I wouldn’t count on them happening, and I certainly wouldn’t argue that we should give the Mafia Staten Island in the hopes some age-old territorial grievance will be settled for good.

For a "realist," James Baker seems to be living in some kind of alternate reality.

Posted by Rand Simberg at 06:20 PM

Five Years On, Unanswered Questions About December Seventh Remain

In honor of tomorrow's sixty-fifth anniversary of Pearl Harbor, I've dredged up a sixty-year-old Routers piece on who was really behind it...

December 7, 1946

HONOLULU (Routers) Five years after the sinking of the battleships in Pearl Harbor, many still question the official government story of what happened on that fateful day, and who was responsible. Some believe that the Roosevelt administration did it themselves, deliberately, making it look like Japanese religious fanatics were responsible, in order to drag the country into a war that they could get by no other means, to benefit arms merchants and the Jews.

The controversy has been renewed by a recently released film documentary, titled "Loose Ships." It makes a compelling case against the Shinto extremist theory, citing inconsistent eyewitness reports, mistaken radar readings, and structural analysis of the sunken battleships.

"It makes no sense to think that Japanese Shintoists could have done this," explains one of the film's producers. "Shinto is a deeply spiritual religion, derived from Buddhism, worshiping nature. A Shintoist would never have desecrated Pearl Harbor with all of that leaking and burning diesel fuel and oil. It is fundamentally a religion of peace."

He points out that many eyewitnesses saw American planes in the air that day, and that the radar images that many claim, preposterously in his view, were of the attacking Japanese aircraft, were actually a squadron of American B-17s on its way to Hickam Air Force Base, perhaps to take part in the plot. The Truman administration itself has admitted that there was a group of bombers in the area that morning, on its way from the mainland, though a War Department spokesman claimed that it was too far away and in the wrong direction to appear on radar at that point in time.

The documentarian went on to expand on his theory. "We don't think that Japanese aircraft would have the range to get here all the way from Japan, but if by some miracle they did, it was probably to protect Honolulu, in which many Japanese live, from the administration plot. That's probably what people were seeing."

Some have examined the wreckage of the Arizona, and claim that it wasn't brought down by aerial bombs, but by charges planted on the ship beforehand.

"Look at those two huge circular holes in the front and rear of the sunken ship," he said. "No bomb is big enough to make a hole that size, and do it so cleanly. It was obviously a shaped charge of some kind. It's just not possible to take down ships that big with the little bombs that are carried in those little Japanese airplanes."

"They killed thousands of sailors for their filthy war, and many of them died a long and horrible death in air pockets. And take a look at the roster of the people who died on the Arizona. How many Jewish names do you see there? I think they were warned ahead of time. And how do they explain the radio transmissions that were picked up with cries of 'Torah, Torah, Torah'?"

"It was all part of the Zionist neo-liberal conspiracy to drag America into a needless war of choice."

In response to suggestions that the Japanese used aircraft carriers, and that many of the Japanese planes were torpedo bombers, and that the large holes were the empty sockets for the gun turrets, that were removed afterward, he scoffed. "That's all just Franklin Delano Rosenfeld administration propaganda," he sneered knowingly.

Some enterprising and innovative people have carried the analysis further. In one sequence shown in the documentary, a man built a wooden model of the ship in his pond, and filmed himself dropping lit firecrackers on it from above, to demonstrate how preposterous was the notion that ships could be sunk by bombs. They seemed to have no effect other than a slight scorching of the deck, and the sturdy little toy remained afloat.

He was proud of his own small part in uncovering the cover up. "Other than the fact that the ship is wood, which is much weaker than steel, and I used firecrackers instead of iron bombs, and that there was no ammunition magazine aboard to explode, this is a perfect simulation of what the Roosevelt administration claims happened to the Arizona. But there the ship floats, to show to one and all the administration's lie. And how convenient of Roosevelt to die a year and a half ago, so he can avoid having to answer these questions."

Posted by Rand Simberg at 04:10 PM