Satire

Assimilated

Iowahawk has another report from the strife-torn Midwest, and it’s encouraging–only a minority of Lutherans are in favor of decapitating Presbyterians and other infidels:

“The only demographic cohort we saw where murderous random violence had a majority support was among 18-35 year old male followers of the Wisconsin Synod,” said Kohut. “And that was barely above the margin of error. Even then, fewer than half (41% to 46%) said they would personally volunteer to carry out the violence themselves.”

Further bolstering the findings, Kohut noted that fewer than 6% of respondents physically attacked field interviewers during the survey.

Although a majority 87% of respondents agreed that “The world should be brought to submission under global Lutheran conquest and eternal perfect rule,” there was a great deal of disagreement on the means to accomplish it. More than 95% supported “pancake breakfasts” and “popcorn fundraisers,” but support dropped to less than 80% for “cow tipping” and “T-P’ing infidel houses.” Support dropped even more dramatically for more violent means of conquest, such as “suicide bombing” (28%), “decapitation” (24%), and “running over Presbyterians with my Ski-Doo” (23%).

Political Commentary

Let’s Have A Contest

I’m certainly no fan of Gonzales, but this is pretty funny. But we can all play this game. What other amendments could we add to this resolution?

  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of Speaker Pelosi to conduct negotiations with the enemy.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of Congressman Murtha to plan troop redeployment strategy.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to micromanage a war, particularly without doing it in such a way as to give hope to the enemy.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to write legislation that will effectively secure the borders.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of Congress to competently stipulate the optimal efficiency of clothes washers, or toilet tank size, or the correct national speed limit, or average fuel efficiency for automobiles.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to know what the single correct “minimum wage” should be to apply to all fifty states, both rural and city.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to even know what the content is of the legislation that it passes.

So easy, a caveman can do it! Errrr…unless the caveman is a Congressman…

Political Commentary

Let’s Have A Contest

I’m certainly no fan of Gonzales, but this is pretty funny. But we can all play this game. What other amendments could we add to this resolution?

  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of Speaker Pelosi to conduct negotiations with the enemy.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of Congressman Murtha to plan troop redeployment strategy.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to micromanage a war, particularly without doing it in such a way as to give hope to the enemy.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to write legislation that will effectively secure the borders.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of Congress to competently stipulate the optimal efficiency of clothes washers, or toilet tank size, or the correct national speed limit, or average fuel efficiency for automobiles.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to know what the single correct “minimum wage” should be to apply to all fifty states, both rural and city.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to even know what the content is of the legislation that it passes.

So easy, a caveman can do it! Errrr…unless the caveman is a Congressman…

Political Commentary

Let’s Have A Contest

I’m certainly no fan of Gonzales, but this is pretty funny. But we can all play this game. What other amendments could we add to this resolution?

  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of Speaker Pelosi to conduct negotiations with the enemy.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of Congressman Murtha to plan troop redeployment strategy.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to micromanage a war, particularly without doing it in such a way as to give hope to the enemy.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to write legislation that will effectively secure the borders.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of Congress to competently stipulate the optimal efficiency of clothes washers, or toilet tank size, or the correct national speed limit, or average fuel efficiency for automobiles.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to know what the single correct “minimum wage” should be to apply to all fifty states, both rural and city.
  • The Congress expresses no confidence in the ability of the Congress to even know what the content is of the legislation that it passes.

So easy, a caveman can do it! Errrr…unless the caveman is a Congressman…

Biting Commentary about Infinity…and Beyond!