The Delaware Primary

T. Coddington weighs in:

Who was this mysterious rival, I inquired – some heretofore unknown Machiavellian prodigy from Harvard poli sci? An old-money interloper from the Philadelphia Mainline? Neither, they said. The challenge, they explained, came in the form of one “Christine O’Donnell,” a financially destitute 37-year old Tea Party schoolgirl whose intellectual heft by comparison made even la Palin look Obamanesque. I then watched in abject horror as they played a video of her crusading against teenage onanism. I admit no great pride in my own occasional participation in that unseemly adolescent pastime, but what sort of person declaims it on MTV? And what sort of party allows her name to appear on an official primary ballot? And that is when it struck me: I was obviously now witnessing the premise of an elaborate practical joke. Delawareans have long been known as the irascible pranksters of East Coast Republicanism, and to be selected as the target of their good-natured japery is in some fashion an honor. Even though the stunt nearly led to his untimely demise, the very first T. Coddington Van Voorhees himself reportedly enjoyed a hearty laugh after his waggish Delaware friend E. I. du Pont replaced his trusty dueling pistol with a replica that egested a comical “BANG” flag. Not wanting to spoil their fun, I did not let on to the Delaware party officials that I was wise to their little joke. Instead, I played along and counseled them to run a last minute, no-holds-barred negative media blitz against their impossibly fictional “Tea Party candidate.”

And thus I awaited with wry anticipation as Farquhar slowly traversed the breakfast room with the cart bearing the punchline to the Delawareans’ clever prank. This was followed by gales of riotous laughter when I discovered the wags had printed an entire mock edition of the New York Times announcing their satirical “Miss O’Donnell” had actually won the race! I was so overcome with mirth that I kicked over the cart, spilling grapefruit across the marble. As Farquhar trembled back to the kitchens to retrieve the mop, I reached for the ringing telephone prepared to hear the voice of the Delaware GOP chairman crowing about his ingenious drollery. Instead I was greeted with the panicked entreaties of none other that Mr. Castle himself, joined by the Republican National Congressional Committee brain trust, insisting against all rational evidence that Miss O’Donnell was in fact real and that she had indeed won the contest. I conducted an incredulous review of the cable news channels, which confirmed their wild story. I called the kitchen intercom and bade Farquhar fetch me a stiff drink on his way back with the mop.

He’ll probably need to make it a double.

[Update a few minutes later]

A rare interview with the Hawk himself.

3 thoughts on “The Delaware Primary”

  1. Why this hate for Karl Rove. He made two points. One is that Ms O’Donnell, in his view, should make fiscal conservatism front and center of her campaign rather than social conservatism as the Tea Party is first and foremost a fiscal conservative movement. OK you Libertarians-but-not-Movement Conservatives, what is wrong with that.

    The second is the Ms O’Donnell needs to “get out in front” of all the things said about her. No, being poor or being poor and self-employed and not being able to pay your taxes is not a disqualifcation to serve the people in high office, but put your life story out there and give the necessary context to all of these things, but first and foremost, you can’t withold anything and need to lay it all out.

    So on these points, tell me anything that Karl Rove said that is so wrong?

  2. you can’t withold anything and need to lay it all out

    Ironic considering Obamas transparent past.

    tell me anything that Karl Rove said that is so wrong?

    He publicly denounced her over trivial issues. The Demon-crats now have their campaign material. He went public when he should have spoken to her privately first. He continues to defend the indefensible if he is loyal to the party as he wishes us to believe. Rove is loyal to himself alone. He will never, ever, be trusted again. He has self identified as one of the elites.

    She may have mismanaged a small amount of money (nothing is proved) while Obama has mismanaged TRILLIONS. …and she’s the one being embarrassed. It is shameful. She should be allowed to right any insignificant wrong she may have done and move on.

    TRILLIONS vs. Hundreds. Is there any sense of perspective left???

  3. “Is there any sense of perspective left?”

    Yes, there is a sense of perspective left. Being of a minority party (Republican) is like what people said of being of a minority race during desegregation. Everything you do is under a microscope. You have to be that much better than the other guy.

    As good as the Democrats is not good enough.

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