Political Commentary, Weird

Please Don’t Sell Them Down The River

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Just when you think it can’t get more absurd: DC exterminators aren’t allowed to break up rat families:

Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli says he is worried that a new District of Columbia law that governs how pest control operators must handle rats may result in entire rodent “families” being relocated across the Potomac River into Virginia by D.C. pest control personnel.

Lately, there have been reports of growing rat infestations around the Occupy DC protests at Freedom Plaza and McPherson Square.

Cuccinelli said D.C.’s new rat law–the Wildlife Protection Act of 2010 (Wildlife Protection Act of 2010.pdf) –is “crazier than fiction” because it requires that rats and other vermin not be killed but captured, preferably in families; no glue or snap traps can be utilized; the rodents must be relocated from where they are captured; and some of these animals may need to be transferred to a “wildlife rehabilitator” as part of their relocation process.

The law does not allow pest control professionals “to kill the dang rats,” Cuccinelli told CNSNews.com. “They have to capture them–then capture them in families. [Not sure] how you’re going to figure that out with rats. And then you have to relocate them. That brings us to Virginia. Now, if you don’t relocate them about 25 miles away, according to experts, rodents will find their way back. Well, an easy way to solve that problem is to cross a river, and what’s on the other side of the river? Virginia.”

“So we have real concerns about this ridiculous–ridiculous!–law and we’ve been pretty genial about dealing with D.C. on it,” said Cuccinelli. “But when you see an article like the ‘Rats Occupy Occupy DC,’ it points up the problem that we’re going to have in Virginia because of that–and because D.C’s really outrageous–outrageous!–treatment of these varmints who, for those who don’t remember their history, carried things like bubonic plague. I mean, these are true vermin.”

The easiest thing to do would be to leave the rats and move out the occupiers. It would improve sanitation, too.

21 thoughts on “Please Don’t Sell Them Down The River”

  1. Other advantages: Occupiers almost certainly aren’t in families, so no risk of violating that provision; the trap could be a simple bag of weed; and they probably wouldn’t have to be relocated anywhere near 25 miles away to keep them from finding their way back. Disadvantage: “Rehabilitation”? Problematic.

  3. They can’t move either the rats or the Occupiers out without breaking up the families. That goes for most of DC, too…

    1. Yep, Chris L wins. ^_^

      Anyway, these rat evictions rarely end well, especially when the city goes back on their deal with the rat remover. There’s an extremely old inscription in Germany that reads:

      In the year 1284 after the birth of Christ
      From Hameln were led away
      One hundred thirty children, born at this place
      Led away by a piper into a mountain.

      1. One hundred thirty children, born at this place
        Led away by a piper into a mountain.

        George, that’s brilliant!

        Is Coldplay available?

  7. Some years ago the Friends of the Prairie Dog in Albuquerque decided that they would relocate all the prairie dogs displaced by construction out to Torrance county,since “Nobody lives out there”.Yeah,right….
    Torrance immediately passed an ordinance fining anyone bringing a prairie dog into the county $100 per dog.Maybe VA could do something like that.

    1. I think the whole prairie dog brouhaha was just an attempt by reactionary eco-nuts to stymie the rebuilding of the original Santa Fe Depot station. “You can’t build here or you’ll crush the poor little prairie dogs!” Then when people began to organize and capture and release the prairie dogs it was, “You can’t move the prairie dogs here or you’ll upset the ecosystem.” Then a big donor forked over 2.5 million dollars specifically for the removal and relocation of all the prairie dogs and it was met with an underwhelming, “Uhh, geee thanks, thanks a lot…..Guess we can build this stupid train station now….”

  9. Good Idea Fred!

    Let the Blue State City on the Potomac dump its rats in a nearbly Blue State like say……Maryland!

  12. Relocate the rats to the neighborhoods of the politicians and ecofreaks who think this policy is a good idea. Better yet, put the rats into the houses of those people. After all, it’s winter and it’d be cruel to put all of those poor defenseless rat families out in the cold.

  14. Seems this law was a PETA demanded one.

    I like one comenters suggestion, set up a wood chipper in VA and charge for disposal. After all, once in VA, DC has no further jurisdiction.

  15. The page layout is hillarious — I like how D.C. Council Member Mary M. Cheh is showcased along with the (other?) vermin.

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