3 thoughts on “Respect”

  1. I’m not married, so I may not have standing to talk about this, but I’ve spent a lot of time the last couple of months thinking about my on-again, off-again relationship, and came to a similar conclusion just yesterday. I decided that I’m no longer willing to spend the time and energy fighting to get back to on-again status because I rarely, if ever, received any respect in the relationship.

    I was often asked (and/or volunteered) to take care of some minor things around my ex-girlfriend’s home, from simple plumbing fixes to hanging curtain rods, etc. At one point, I cut and hung crown molding on the cabinets in her kitchen (a project that, despite my spatial reasoning and mathematical abilities, I have no desire to undertake again any time soon, thankyouverymuch). I made one wrong cut during the installation process, and had to go back to the store for a new piece of crown (it was the last and longest piece, and i didn’t erase my previous pencil mark).

    My reaction at the time? Rather self-effacing and significantly frustrated. Her reaction? Not a single word of encouragement or understanding. Luckily, no eye rolling or huffing, but still almost no respect for the work I had done up until that point or the end result.

    Look, I neither want nor need to be coddled or treated like a child. I don’t require constant praise, attention, or external validation for every little thing I do. But a little bit of appreciation goes a LONG way, along with being able to let go of any mistakes I made along the way after the project is completed. And if your friends compliment you on the new look of your kitchen, maybe even mention that I helped and that you were proud of me, rather than telling them, “yeah, we had to go out and get a new piece of crown because he cut that piece wrong.”

    Sorry, just venting a little bit, but this one hit a little closer to home than I was anticipating.

  2. Seriously, don’t walk away from her. Run as fast as you can. If she treats you this way now, it won’t get any better after marriage.

    1. Already have. We’ve been “off-again” for a while, but I had been pining over the hoildays to be “on-again”. This epiphany within the last few days has permanently affixed me in “off-again” mode. It isn’t easy, of course, but it’s the right thing to do. And, of course, most “right things to do” in life rarely come without at least a small portion of sacrifice.

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