All posts by Rand Simberg

Oy Gevalt!

These talking gefilte fish are getting out of hand.

The Israeli man who opened the gefilte fish jar, Garel S. Karp of Bnei Brak, said that the voice was speaking in English, but with a Yiddish accent. “I twisted the cap off the jar, there was a little pop, and suddenly there was a squeaky little voice saying: “Oy, vey, tomorrow’s the day. Time has come for Mister Saddam to show his bomb.” Karp expressed uncertainty over whether the last word might have been “bum.”

Karp’s wife, Sadie, confirmed his account. “I couldn’t believe it. Garel and I were sitting around the dinner table and we hear this little voice coming from the jar, just after he opened it. I looked inside the jar and I could see the jelly still quivering.”

There was no independent confirmation of the Karps’ claims. The gefilte fish was unavailable to answer this reporter’s questions, since the couple apparently consumed the fish soon after its utterances. “I don’t know whether its remarks were in good taste,” Sadie noted, but it sure tasted good.”

That Saves Some Time

Iraq has rejected Bush’s ultimatum. I was afraid he might have delayed things by saying he’ll “think about it.” Does this mean that we don’t have to wait any longer?

“The only option (to secure peace) is the departure of the warmonger number one in the world, the failing President Bush who made his country a joke,” Sabri said on Monday.

Someone should go back and compare this kind of stuff to the nonsense that the Taliban was spewing just before the bombing started. These guys seem long on bluster and insults, and short on much of anything else.

Wishful Thinking

There were two absurd analogies today by those who think we’re making a tactical, if not strategic blunder in taking on Iraq. Both of them involve invasions of Russia.

First, in the LA Times, Margaret Atwood says that for us to remove Saddam is equivalent to Napoleon’s invasion of Russia.

Napoleon’s second big mistake was invading Russia. There’s no one clear explanation for this. He didn’t need to do it. Russia wasn’t attacking him, though it had in the past and might in the future. Maybe he just wanted to add it to his set. In any case, he invaded. When his horse stumbled as he crossed the Dnieper — a bad omen — a voice said from the shadows: “A Roman would have turned back.”

Warfare at that time meant forcing your opponent to stand and fight, resulting in victory on one side or the other. But the Russians merely retreated, burning crops as they went and leading Napoleon deeper and deeper into the same huge Russian landmass and awful Russian weather that also defeated Hitler.

When Napoleon reached Moscow, he thought maybe he’d “won,” but the Russians burned Moscow and retreated again. Napoleon hung around the cinders, expecting the czar to sue for peace, but no message arrived. Thus the retreat, the “1812 Overture” and the decimation of the Grand Army. As others have learned since, it’s very hard to defeat an enemy who never turns up.

Where does she think that the Iraqi army is going to retreat to, where it will be beyond the reach of modern spy satellites and precision-guided munitions? Does she think that we will be defeated by the “brutal Iraqi summer” as Napoleon was by the Russian winter, for which he was utterly unprepared and overextended?

It’s a laughable analogy.

Even more amusingly, in the midst of her own absurd analogy, she criticizes that of those promoting the liberation of Iraq:

The occupation of Japan after the Second World War has been proposed as a model for Iraq. It’s not a helpful comparison.

First, the religious fervor of the Japanese soldier was attached to the emperor, who thus had the power to order a surrender. Iraq will have no such single authority. Second, Japan is an island: No Russian-style, Afghan-style retreat was possible. Third, the Japanese had no neighbors who shared their religious views and might aid them. They had only two choices: death or democracy.

Iraq on the other hand has many coreligionist neighbors who will sympathize with it, however repugnant they’ve previously found Hussein. A foreign occupation — not immediately, but in the long run — is less likely to resemble MacArthur in Japan than Napoleon in Spain.

What neighboring nations share Ba’athist religious views? I ask again, does she think they’ll take harbor in Iran, a Shi’ite state that was invaded by Iraq only a decade and a half ago, or secular and modernizing Turkey, or Kuwait, who tasted Saddam’s forced brutality a dozen years ago, or the Wahhabist Saudis? Only one nation shares Saddam’s Nazi-like ideology–Syria. Will they be willing to bring on the wrath of the US by sheltering him and his minions from justice?

She’s living in the wrong century.

The other foolish analogy can be found in this inadvertently hilarious piece in the Independent, in which they compare a siege of Baghdad to Stalingrad.

This too is absurd.

Both analogies fall down on several levels. First, Iraq in summer is not Russia in winter. Second, both the French and the Germans vastly overextended themselves, and ran short of provisions, with no ability to withdraw. Does anyone seriously believe that this will happen to a modern American army, whose foremost (among many) formidable features is logistics?

Even more importantly (not to imply that the aforementioned is not important), both Napoleon and Hitler were dictators, and the Russians in both cases were defending their national sovereignty. In fact, had the SS managed to be just a little less brutal and cruel, the Russians, or at least the Ukrainians, might have welcomed them with open arms, given the fact that they were ruled at the time by the butcher Josef Stalin. But they couldn’t even manage to be less vicious than Stalin, which is saying something.

The Iraqi people are under the grinding bootheel of a dictator of their own, and they have plenty of word-of-mouth experience of how surrendering soldiers were treated by Americans the last time around. They are waiting to be liberated. Sadly, they have waited too long, partly because of nonsense like that written, and eagerly published in places like the LA Times.

It’s Working…

At least in terms of changing peoples’ dietary habits–we don’t know yet what the long-term health effects will be.

The preaching of Atkins and the other proponents of lower-carbohydrate diets is starting to have an effect. National meat consumption is up, and high-glycemic carb purchases are down. And the carb vendors don’t like it.

…by teaching people to severely limit the use of flour-based products, Atkins is eating into sales of some bread and cereal products in the United States.

“Our industry has to do something, and soon. It is starting to become a mainstream belief that carbohydrates are bad,” said Judi Adams, director of the Wheat Foods Council, a consortium of industry players that includes ConAgra, General Mills and Kellogg Co.

“This Atkins diet — or, I call it Fatkins diet — is going out unchallenged. People are starting to believe it,” Adams said.

Maybe because, for many people, it works?