Well, in that genre, he’ll have a lot more competition, but if anyone could do it, Ed Wood could.
A Plea For Sanity
In the Arab News:
FEC Launches Investigation Into Al Qaeda
WASHINGTON (APUPI) In response to complaints from the Bush campaign today, the Federal Election Commission has decided to look into the sources of financing for Al Qaeda, to determine if any election laws were broken by the recent video released featuring its leader, Osama bin Laden.
A campaign spokesman claimed that, with all of his harsh criticism of the president, the terrorist leader was clearly supporting the Kerry campaign.
“He may not have explicitly endorsed Senator Kerry, but he clearly skirted the edges of the McCain-Feingold law. Anyone can look at that tape and tell that Osama wants our opponent to win this election,” claimed a campaign spokesman.
He went on, “This new Kerry endorsement by yet another world leader is just their latest October surprise, coming just four days before the election. ‘Bush lied, we made the terrorists mad, he sat there reading to kids instead of evacuating the trade center,’ yada yada yada. They can deny it all they want, but Osama’s clearly illegally coordinating with Moveon.org and Michael Moore.”
Arousing further suspicion were rumors of cutting-room floor portions of the video that showed bin Laden mocking Bush by accusing him of “outsourcing” his capture to Afghans.
The commission will be investigating whether or not Al Qaeda has properly registered as a 527 corporation, and looking into all potential sources for its funding. It’s of particular concern that foreign funds may have poured into this newest anti-Bush group. They will also be following any potential money trails that could lead back to George Soros.
A subpoena will be going out this weekend to an undisclosed location in northeast Pakistan, bin Laden’s last known whereabouts, requiring him to provide cancelled checks, bank receipts, email and postal communications between his and other anti-Bush advocacy organizations, cell phone records and other documents that might shed light on potential violations of the campaign finance laws.
A senior Al Qaeda spokesman said in a phone call that they wouldn’t accept such a subpoena, though he didn’t say whether or not they would simply refuse it, or decapitate the servicer.
“Sheik Osama is very ill and tired, and has no time for such nonsense from The Great Satan,” he complained. “We have had no contact with any of the infidels for either campaign,” he angrily claimed, to the sounds of Farenheit 911 playing in the background.
Coming so late in the campaign, the investigation is not expected to bear fruit before the election is over (the end of which is now projected by Kerry campaign lawyers to occur sometime in late May, 2006, once all the appeals have been exhausted), but if convicted, bin Laden’s organization could be fined up to half a million dollars, and he could serve up to six months in federal prison.
Questions to the Justice Department as to the probability of his serving time with Martha Stewart were unanswered as of this report.
He Gets It
John Hospers, the founder of the Libertarian Party, has endorsed George Bush.
It will be interesting to see the reaction of all the Kerry supporters over at places like Reason to this.
Now What?
Sigh…
My wireless router has stopped talking to my desktop.
But here’s the weird thing. The wireless is fine–I can still access the internet and router through my laptop on that connection, but the desktop is plugged directly into the router via cable, and the router is refusing the connection. When I do an ipconfig, it shows no connection and no assigned IP address. When I unplug the cable, it knows it’s unplugged, and when I plug it back in, all is well again, except it won’t talk to the router.
I’ve tried rebooting the thing several times, with no luck. It just started happening, and I didn’t do anything unusual that might have caused it.
Next thing to try is rebooting the desktop, I guess, which I hate to do because I have a loot of browser windows open that I’ll lose.
[Update a few minutes later]
Well, that did it. The ways of Microsoft passeth understanding.
Pants On Fire
Senator Kerry lied about releasing his military records, and he as much as admits it to Tom Brokaw (though neither of them realize it). If Brokaw were a real journalist, instead of part of the Democrat cheering section, he would have called him on it.
Quote Du Jour
“All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.”
From (who else?), Lileks.
In The Interest Of Fairness
From the northern part of my county. The Dems don’t have a total monopoly on nuttiness.
A Bust
That’s what the eclipse is in Boca Raton. Just as it was starting to really happen, it shyly hid behind a thick cloud, and has yet to emerge.
[Thursday morning update]
It wasn’t a total bust. We got some breaks in the clouds during totality. Our biggest problem was staying up late enough. We gave it up about 11:30, while it was still fully in the umbra. It was a beautiful for a while, though.
Election Violence
Already.
In my new home town.
…on Sunday night, a student leading a Republican protest at Florida Atlantic University saw her Ford Explorer vandalized by Democrats attending a John Kerry rally. University police responded to the incident and eventually broke it up.