Humor, Media Criticism, Political Commentary, Satire

My Fund-Raising Letter From The Donald

7 Comments

I just got one:

Good day and compliments. This letter will definitely come to you as a yuuuge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine the future and continued existence of the federal republic of America. First I must solicit your confidence in this transaction. This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and top secret.

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Donald Trump, I plan to become head of state and commander in chief of the armed forces of the America. I need your help in freeing up funds at NBC and Univision which are presently trapped in that country. In order to commence this business I solicit your assistance to enable me to RECEIVE the said trapped funds.

My ordeal started immediately after I was attacked by a blond bimbo, obviously on the rag, on Fox News, and the subsequent criticism by all of the stupid people in the media. The present press and Republican clown candidates are determined to portray all the good work of my businesses in a bad light and have gone as far as revealing my past terrific liberal positions. As I am writing this letter to you, my daughter Ivanka is undergoing questioning with The View. All these measures taken by these stupid losers is just to gain recognition.

I and the entire members of my family have been held incommunicado since I was disinvited to the Red State conference, only able to talk to George Stephanopolous and others by telephone, hence I seek your indulgence to assist us in securing these funds we need to move forward in our campaign. We are not allowed to see or discuss with anybody. Few occasions I have tried traveling abroad through alternative means all failed.

It is in view of this I have mandated Bernie Madoff, who has been assisting the family to run around on so many issues to act on behalf of the family concerning the substance of this letter. He has the full power of attorney to execute this transaction with you.

NBC and Univision have a yuuuge amount of money that they owe me for breach of contract ($80,000,000,000.00) specially preserved and well packed in trunk boxes of which only I know about. It is packed in such a way to forestall just anybody having access to it. It is this sum that I seek your assistance to get out of there as soon as possible before the they find out about it and confiscate it just like they want to do to all my assets.

Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and we hope THAT THE FUNDS CAN ARRIVE YOUR ACCOUNT in latest ten (10) banking days from the date of receipt of the following information by TEL/FAX: 1-800-DONALDT: A SUITABLE NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THE FUNDS CAN BE PAID. PLEASE ENDEAVOR TO RESPOND BY TELEPHONE OR FAX. All you have to do is give me your bank account number for the transfer.

I implore you to please give consideration to my predicament and candidate in need.

My heart goes out.

[Monday-morning update]

Apparently Poe’s Law is strong with this one. Would it have helped if I’d started it off with “Dear Beloved in our Lord, and Praise be unto Allah”?

Business, Space, Technology and Society, Weird

The Donald Enters The Space Race

6 Comments

Doug Messier has the story:

The tycoon is backing calls for Prestwick airport in Ayrshire to be chosen as the launchpad for commercial space flights and will offer VIP packages for passengers at his nearby Turnberry golf resort if it is.

In its bid, a consortium will unveil Trump as the exclusive hotel partner for rich space tourists jetting into the region from across the globe. Tailor-made packages will include castle tours, visits to distilleries and island-hopping in the Hebrides.

I wonder if he’s been talking to Chuck Lauer?

Media Criticism, Political Commentary, War Commentary

When You’ve Lost David Brooks

8 Comments

Even if he won’t admit it, he’s starting to realize what a fool he was in 2008, when he thought that pants creases were a good indicator of presidential material:

Wars, military or economic, are measured by whether you achieved your stated objectives. By this standard the U.S. and its allies lost the war against Iran, but we were able to negotiate terms that gave only our partial surrender, which forces Iran to at least delay its victory. There have now been three big U.S. strategic defeats over the past several decades: Vietnam, Iraq and now Iran.

And the latter two of those occurred on this president’s watch. In fact, they seem to have been his goal, right from his campaign in 2008.

Media Criticism, Political Commentary, Social Commentary, War Commentary

Yazidi Child Soldiers

2 Comments

…take revenge on ISIS:

Their support of youth participation in the YBŞ—especially for women and girls—is made all the more striking by the fact Yazidis in rural Sinjar are often part of traditional patriarchal families. So-called honor killings of Yazidi women believed to have shamed their families have even survived into the present. A gruesome video that drew headlines and condemnation in 2007 showed a 17-year-old Yazidi girl named Dua Khalil Aswad being stoned to death by her own people on suspicion she converted to Islam to elope with a Muslim.

But the PKK/YPG model preaches equality of the sexes, something gaining ground among the Yazidis rescued by the militias.

Vian, the teenage PKK commander and drill instructor, claims for her part that the threat to ISIS fighters they’ll be killed by women gives coed units a psychological edge. “We have heard ISIS is afraid of fighting women,” she says. “We think ISIS is saying ‘if not for women, we’d control all the world.’”

“They don’t want to be killed by us,” she adds smugly.

It’s appalling that they have to rely on groups like the PKK for help.

History, Media Criticism, Political Commentary, Technology and Society, War Commentary

The 70th Hiroshima Anniversary

27 Comments

“Thank God for the atomic bomb.”

It’s always tempting to second-guess things like this, but it was the best decision that could have been made at the time with the information available at the time. Hundreds of thousands of troops were expecting to have to fight (and die) to take the home islands as hard as they just had for Okinawa. And countless Chinese were still being tortured and murdered.

[Update a few minutes later]

More thoughts from Roger Kimball:

The idea that the atomic bombing of Hiroshima — and, since the Japanese failed to surrender, of Nagasaki on August 9 — was a ‘war crime’ has slowly acquired currency not only among the anti-American intelligentsia but also among other sentimentalists of limited worldly experience.

Yes. And years ago, Bill Whittle took on the ignorant and not-to-be lamented Jon Stewart on the subject.

Law, Media Criticism, Political Commentary

Hillary’s FBI Investigation

15 Comments

Sorry, apologists, but yes, it is a criminal probe.

With all the laws being violated, how could it not be?

I’m trying to recall the last time the presumptive nominee of a major party was under investigation by the FBI. And failing.

[Update a while later]]

“People need to know whether she’s a crook.”

Really, after the history of the 90s, is there any doubt about that? But she’s their crook, supported by a party of long-time thieves and liars.

Biting Commentary about Infinity…and Beyond!