I just got a call on my business line from a guy who was peddling the dead-tree LA Times.

Me: No, thank you. I’ve no use at all for that paper. My parakeet died, by puppy’s been trained, and I don’t fish any more, so I don’t need the wrap.

Him: But it’s only $2.75 a week! What can we do to get you to subscribe?

Me: How much will you pay me to read it?

Him: I love this job. Have a good day, sir.