Winning over the undecideds:

Think about it. With Barack Obama in office, assholes like us will fade into a distant unpleasant memory. Don’t get us wrong, we’ll still be hanging around, probably as junior staffers in some federal arts agency. But you have our word on it — we’ll be practically invisible. No more C-word t shirts, no more intersection blockades, no more vandalism until the next election cycle. Nosirree, we’ll be timid and well-behaved and quiet as church mice, working away on grant proposals. We think you will also be pleased to know that under Obama, negative news stories and the steady flow of shitty anti-American war movies will virtually disappear overnight.

We know what you’re thinking — “that sounds awesome, but what about the angry right wingers? Won’t they suddenly start storming congressional hearings and vandalizing military recruiting stations? Won’t they start producing Obama assassination fantasy plays at the local college?” Don’t worry, as members of the incoming Administration, we will identify any potential troublemakers and prosecute them to the full extent of President Obama’s new civility laws. And with the re-establishment of the Fairness Doctrine, you won’t have to worry about accidentally tuning into right wing hate radio.

I can’t wait.

Plus, true Grit.