Lileks has it down:
Later, while putting together a post at the kitchen table: DING DONG
Two earnest cause-mongers campaigning on behalf of the earth. I wanted to say “nature ripped out the bunnies from their soft home and drank their blood, and you want me to help it? With money?” but I just said “sorry, I work at home, and I’m working now” before they even got the chance to start the spiel. Their faces fell from friendly to sullen in a second like souffles collapsing from the sound of gunshot, and they seemed perturbed. I hadn’t been unfriendly; I’d smiled. Just stated the facts. I’m under no obligation to stand here and listen to what you care about. Sometimes I’m tempted to cut out an editorial and tape it to the door, and when I see someone coming around with a Cause, open the door and start reading out the particulars of my cause, and ask them what they would like to do. I’d have a petition and everything. And if they signed, I’d say thanks, and close the door.
I lecture Jehovah’s Witnesses on space theology. They never last long.
I find that answering the door naked works, too.
Space Theology?
Are you a Space Catholic (google space pope) or a Hyper-Presbyterian?
You know you can just tell Jehovah’s Witnesses–and Mormons, for that matter–that you have your own religion that you’re happy with, but thank you anyway, and they’ll go away without any fuss.
What’s wrong with not answering the door?
The “No soliciting/loitering/trespassing” sign out front is not decoration.
The no soliciting sign on my front door works for most, although some fail to understand. I cut little kids slack because they may not know what the sign means. I’m considering expanding the sign to say “No Soliciting, to include Politicians and Religion Representatives”.
“I lecture Jehovah’s Witnesses on space theology. They never last long.”
In fact, they go into the Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program…
A creative Mormon Elder at your doorstep may engage your space theology discussion with ramblings of the gods on Kolob, and his favorite old school BSG episode.
We get the occasional religious person or fund raising kid but never cause mongers, thankfully.
I wonder what would happen if I answered the door to such people by saying, “Trick or treat!”, complimenting their costumes, and giving them each a piece of candy.
In July.
My grandfather would invite the JWs in, and argue theology with them. They always lost – he had only a 4th grade education, but he knew the Bible better than they did.
Meanwhile my grandmother would be in the kitchen, hoppin’ mad. I loved it. 😀
Until her health declined, my crazy aunt would open the door, yell GET OFF OF MY PORCH at the top of her lungs, check to see how far her visitors’ backward leaps took them, then slam the door shut.
She was very effective quieting noisy movie-goers.
I had advance warning of a God-botherer visit when I was in university, and living on campus so I was somewhat of an easy target – or so they thought. As it happens, I was active in amateur dramatics and raided the costume/props room.
So: Two of some variety of fundies (I never did find out what variety) arrived at my door and were greeted by me, dressed in a cabalistic robe, with black candles burning on a table in the background which had an ornately embroidered cloth draped over it. I was carefully sharpening an ornate dagger, and effusively said: “Please do come in, by all means!”
This pair almost created a sonic boom leaving, and strangely enough that was the last visit.