9 thoughts on “The Pros And Cons Of Living In Each State”

  1. Gotta admit, the Californians do kind of stand out here in Texas. Don’t know if it’s their bearing or word choices (like, OMG) or what, but they do not entirely fit in and I always get a vibe.

    Luckily the heat chases off the weak ones before too long. Torrid temperatures tend to cull the herd pretty quick.

  2. Pennsylvania

    Pro: You can live in an uppity city or in the backwoods country with the Amish.

    Con: PennDOT.

    (note: we have no clue what this means, but our Bee writer from Pennsylvania said locals will find this hilarious. If you locals don’t like it, please let us know and he will be sacked).

    Ayuh, PennDOT stinks. Many years ago, when I moved away from home (Susquehanna County, Pennsylvania), my father, sighing, asked me, “Son, why do feel that you have to move to Maryland, the most corrupt state in the Union?”. (We had lived outside of Bel Air, Maryland, when I was a child in the mid-’60s and early ’70s). He did concede that Maryland did have (and still has) good roads, unlike Pennsylvania, where PennDOT is a dumping ground for political hacks.

    Hale Adams
    Pikesville, People’s Democratic Republic of Maryland

    1. To be fair to Pennsylvanian’s dilemma, Pennsylvania is an enormously long state, shall we say longitudinally challenged? With hostile weather, mountainous conditions and torrential pass-through trucking that chews roads like a gator on a breaching bass. I don’t have any good answers Penn folks, sorry.

  3. Wait a damn minute!! … Illinois was edited a couple of hours ago!

    Pro: You can eat one slice of pizza and be full for a week.
    Con: You have to wear body armor and run from mobs a lot. Also, you can’t say “mobs”

    Scott Lowther pointed out that body armor would be a problem.
    Now I see the Bee dropped that part!

    Difficulty: body armor is illegal in Illinois. HB3238:

    “beginning January 1, 2024, it is
    unlawful for any person within this State to knowingly possess an armor
    plate, body armor, or military helmet.”

    1. Pro: You can eat a one slice of pizza and be full for a week.

      Con: You’ll have to eat it with your hands. Possession or use of knives and forks will be illegal starting in 2024.

  4. Alabama

    Pro: Unlikely to be a target in a nuclear attack.

    Con: Punishable by death to finish a conversation without saying, “Roll Tide!”

    The con is definitely false. There are two sizeable groups of people in Alabama who never say “Roll Tide!.” One group is the Auburn fans (their mating call is “War Eagle”). The other group are heathens. Well, to be frank, both groups are heathens.

  5. When I lived in New England. I went to a Hartford Whalers game. So I moved to NC, decided to take in a Hurricanes game. and… fuck me, it’s still the Hartford Whalers!

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