Category Archives: Humor

Stephen Spielberg And The Temple Of Obama

A literary gem, from Matt Continetti:

…it’s a trick question: conversations about Obama’s future are really cues to celebrate his past. To cheer his accomplishments, list the ways he has changed this country, explain his historical and geopolitical importance, lament the obstacles he’s encountered from recalcitrant conservatives, obstructionist Republicans, nativist, racist, sexist, backward elements of the population, recount how he overcame them, joke about how he deserves a vacation, mention the best courses he has yet to play, ponder the work of social justice and transformation that must still be done, affirm that history is, indeed, on the side of progress.

And this conversation goes on—on and on and on—with digressions into the latest fads in Silicon Valley and the nuttiest invention Khosla can come up with after two Manhattans, with genuflections at the altar of Elon Musk, explications of the markets from Doerr, Lasry, and Hoffman, mysterious oracular pronouncements from Toni Morrison, bird-like regurgitations of the latest Paul Krugman and Fareed Zakaria columns (how envious Fareed must be that he wasn’t invited!), tedious on-the-one-hand-on-the-other lectures from the president on the lead story in the Times, the most recent editorials in the Washington Post, late night comedy he found unfair, clever “This is Sportscenter” commercials, episodes of Game of Thrones and Homeland, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Michael Jordan’s handicap—and with caustic put-downs from Michele, partisan bromides from Longoria, witticisms spiced with anecdotes from academic studies no one besides Gladwell has read, and bottle after bottle of wine, course after course after course of chewy overcooked hard to swallow smugness.

RTWT.

Mark Steyn’s New Book

Some commentary from the author on its reception so far.

I’ll be interested to see what people like Phil Plait have to say. I suspect they’ll try to pretend it doesn’t exist.

[Thursday-morning update]

Thoughts (and a lot of excerpts) from Judith Curry.

I’m not sure that the fact he’s making a lot of money on the book reduces his chances of getting damages from Mann. I’m sure he would have preferred to have been writing other books, and he needs the money for his legal defense.

My Fund-Raising Letter From The Donald

I just got one:

Good day and compliments. This letter will definitely come to you as a yuuuge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine the future and continued existence of the federal republic of America. First I must solicit your confidence in this transaction. This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and top secret.

Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Donald Trump, I plan to become head of state and commander in chief of the armed forces of the America. I need your help in freeing up funds at NBC and Univision which are presently trapped in that country. In order to commence this business I solicit your assistance to enable me to RECEIVE the said trapped funds.

My ordeal started immediately after I was attacked by a blond bimbo, obviously on the rag, on Fox News, and the subsequent criticism by all of the stupid people in the media. The present press and Republican clown candidates are determined to portray all the good work of my businesses in a bad light and have gone as far as revealing my past terrific liberal positions. As I am writing this letter to you, my daughter Ivanka is undergoing questioning with The View. All these measures taken by these stupid losers is just to gain recognition.

I and the entire members of my family have been held incommunicado since I was disinvited to the Red State conference, only able to talk to George Stephanopolous and others by telephone, hence I seek your indulgence to assist us in securing these funds we need to move forward in our campaign. We are not allowed to see or discuss with anybody. Few occasions I have tried traveling abroad through alternative means all failed.

It is in view of this I have mandated Bernie Madoff, who has been assisting the family to run around on so many issues to act on behalf of the family concerning the substance of this letter. He has the full power of attorney to execute this transaction with you.

NBC and Univision have a yuuuge amount of money that they owe me for breach of contract ($80,000,000,000.00) specially preserved and well packed in trunk boxes of which only I know about. It is packed in such a way to forestall just anybody having access to it. It is this sum that I seek your assistance to get out of there as soon as possible before the they find out about it and confiscate it just like they want to do to all my assets.

Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and we hope THAT THE FUNDS CAN ARRIVE YOUR ACCOUNT in latest ten (10) banking days from the date of receipt of the following information by TEL/FAX: 1-800-DONALDT: A SUITABLE NAME AND BANK ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THE FUNDS CAN BE PAID. PLEASE ENDEAVOR TO RESPOND BY TELEPHONE OR FAX. All you have to do is give me your bank account number for the transfer.

I implore you to please give consideration to my predicament and candidate in need.

My heart goes out.

[Monday-morning update]

Apparently Poe’s Law is strong with this one. Would it have helped if I’d started it off with “Dear Beloved in our Lord, and Praise be unto Allah”?

Chelsea Clinton Too Expensive?

Hire Ashe Schow instead!

For those who like to get the most for their money, here’s an itemized menu of what you can get if you hire me instead:

• Bargain basement price of $200 per minute (limit of three-hour event)

• $10 per person for a handshake (light grip but not limp)

• $15 per person for a photo with me*

• $20 per person for a handshake and a photo

• $25 per person for a photo in which I appear enthusiastic

• $30 per person for a hug**

• $5 per person for a minute of light conversation

• $10 per person for a minute of light, enthusiastic conversation

• $15 and speaker will call your mom on your cell phone

• $25 per person for a lengthy, deep conversation with your mom in which I tell her we’re best friends***

Seems like a much better deal to me. I like the a la carte plan, particularly the hug.

But as Ed Driscoll notes, that doesn’t allow them to contribute to the Clintons’ personal slush fund.

The Fake Black NAACP Leader

Somehow, this story reminds me of my old satire about Trent Lott:

In a prelude to his upcoming appearance on BET, he appeared at a sparsely-attended press conference outside his local office, resplendent in a colorful daishiki, with his formerly shellacked hair frizzing freely in a three-foot diameter “afro-style” hairdo.

“As you all know, Bill Clinton was the first black president. Well, I’m the first black Senate Majority Leader. It’s truly a proud day for the Republican Party and the African-American community.”

“I know that many of you will be surprised to learn that I was ‘passing’ all of these years. It was a deep, dark family secret.”

“My great-great grandmother was a house nigra on a plantation outside of Biloxi. My great-grandfather was a mullatto, my grandmother was a quadroon, and my mother was an octaroon, which makes me a hexidecaroon. As all of you from hereabouts know, just a touch of one hair of the tarbrush means that I can never be truly white.”

I guess life imitates art, or something.

[Update a while later]

A lot more links: “She’s trans-black. Don’t shame her.”