16 thoughts on “B00b-Plate Armor

  1. Daver

    OK, boobs on armor are just as bad an idea as horns on helmets. Most of the weaponry in the Frazetta covers seem about as poorly conceived as the armor. But at least the slave girls are believable, right?

  2. Andrew W

    All the body armor I’ve seen in movies is there to make the wearer look good, so boob armor makes more sense to me.

    1. Flight-ER-Doc

      And various depictions of space suits – with helmets with interior lighting that shows the actors faces, while making it nearly impossible for them to see out…

      But the boob armor is awesome!

  3. Edward Wright

    Don’t forget the Imperial Storm Trooper armor, with wide gaps at every joint.

  4. wodun

    She should have tossed a link to the blogger who originally wrote about this and actually knew something about armor. She nearly ripped him off word for word.

    Also, armor wasn’t heavy.

    1. Edward Wright

      Of course armor was heavy. It was made out of steel. But the weight is tolerable when it’s distributed evenly over the body. Also, the men who wore it were superb athletes. Edward the Black Prince could vault onto horseback wearing full armor. Of course, the nobles and knights had nothing to do except practice things like that. The common soldier would be less skilled, but he would be carrying less armor (because he couldn’t afford it).

  5. Fletcher Christian

    I don’t know whether this was covered in the comments in the article linked, but one possible reason for a woman to wear that sort of armour might be because the armour is actually for show; if a woman is in a leadership position and part of the point is the very fact of her being a woman then armour that emphasises her assets might very well be useful. I can’t think of any real life examples of this (Jeanne D’Arc AFAIK didn’t wear showy armour) but there are plenty of fictional ones.

    1. Al

      After spending some time trying to answer “What did Cleopatra wear?” I’m getting a whole lot of “Not much”. Armor or otherwise.

      Whole lot of females who exerted -power-, but weren’t Queens or Generals – Catherine d’Medici et al.

      And there are the rulers like Queen Christina of Sweden (Daughter of Gustavus Adolphus), who wore masculine dress -anyway-.

  6. Jane Bernstein Rosen

    .. There’s a lady who’s here.. In a metal brassiere… And she’s risking a quick trip to heaven…

  7. Sigivald

    On the other hand, armorers I know say that if you build it right the whole “breaking your sternum” thing isn’t a problem.

    (As for having a blade slide inward, well… it’d be sliding into a solid piece of iron so that’s less of an issue, though not zero.

    Swords simply do not penetrate iron plates on a swipe, or even a thrust.)

    (And, Edward? Storm Trooper armor is self-evidently for protection from environmental hazards, not attacks, since it doesn’t stop a blaster hit at all…)

    1. Edward Wright

      Why worry about stopping blaster hits? No one in the Star Wars universe can hit the broad side of barn at 10 paces.

        1. Daver

          You’re doing it wrong. You’re using “parsec” as a unit of distance. Parsec is really par-sec and is a unit of thyme. And George Lucas is a lying SOB.

  8. Daver

    Plate was more subject to thrust attacks than swipe attacks; directing the spear to your sternum instead of off to the side isn’t particularly useful.

    Storm Trooper armor obstructs visibility, limits mobility, disguises intruders, offers no protection against light sabers, blasters, arrows, or small rocks. Oh. And their radios apparently go out frequently. Most likely Storm Trooper Armor is why Storm Troopers have such lousy aim with handguns.

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