King Kong barely got a mention at the Golden Globes. If Peter Jackson had been smart, he would have remade it with Kong as a giant, gentle, misunderstood gay gorilla, and replaced Naomi Watts with Jake Gyllenhaal as the love interest.

No matter how much the media and the glitteratti want me to, I simply cannot muster up the will to even contemplate, let alone actually drag my weary carcass to a movie theatre, to watch a love story about gay cowboys.

I guess that makes me a homophobe.

Just who is the demo for this flick?

Tom Purcell writes about a perennial yuletime classic television show that probably couldn’t be made today.

[Update at 8:40 PM EST

Apparently, it was hard to make it even then:

“We told Schulz, ‘Look, you can’t read from the Bible on network television,’ ” Mendelson says. “When we finished the show and watched it, Melendez and I looked at each other and I said, ‘We’ve ruined Charlie Brown.’ ”

Good grief, were they wrong. The first broadcast was watched by almost 50% of the nation’s viewers. “When I started reading the reviews, I was absolutely shocked,” says Melendez, 89. “They actually liked it!”

I have to confess, that I wasn’t a great fan of it, though I did like the Guaraldi soundtrack.

Jeez.

Jeez.

Jeez.

Here’s a rave review of Peter Jackson’s latest–a remake of King Kong. I have a confession to make, though:

Jack tells me all children – “at least all boys” – love King Kong.

“He is the king of all the monsters, even better than Godzilla. Kong is stronger and smarter than Godzilla, who’s just a stupid, slimy lizard.”

Sorry, but I was never a big (or even little) King Kong fan. I’ve still never watched the original all the way through. I tried one night a few years ago, and gave up. It simply didn’t hold my interest, either as a boy, or as a man. The prospect of three hours of it, even with new spectacular effects, simply doesn’t motivate me to go to the theater.

Of course, I’ve never been a fan of horror or monster movies in general (I’ve never seen any of the classics–Frankenstein, the Mummy, Dracula–and have no interest in them). Lest my all-American red-blooded male credentials be questioned, though, I do like (or at least did as a youth) the Three Stooges.

To the Grand Ol’ Opry.

Hank: “If we tell people that our town was founded by prostitutes, they’ll know.”

and

“Not Miss Kitty.”

Hank: “If we tell people that our town was founded by prostitutes, they’ll know.”

and

“Not Miss Kitty.”