Category Archives: Humor

Humor, Media Criticism, Political Commentary

Composite Americans

May 5, 2012 Rand Simberg 3 Comments

Last week, in an election campaign ad, Barack revealed his latest composite girlfriend — “Julia.” She’s worse than the old New York girlfriend. She can’t even be herself. In fact, she can’t be anything without massive assistance from Barack every step of the way, from his “Head Start” program at the age of three through to his Social Security benefits at the age of 67. Everything good in her life she owes to him. When she writes her memoir, it will be thanks to a subvention from the Federal Publishing Assistance Program for Chronically Dependent Women but you’ll love it: Sweet Dreams from My Sugar Daddy. She’s what the lawyers would call “non composite mentis.” She’s not competent to do a single thing for herself — and, from Barack’s point of view, that’s exactly what he’s looking for in a woman, if only for a one-night stand on a Tuesday in early November.

There’s a lot more.

Humor, Political Commentary

Elizabeth Warren

May 2, 2012 Rand Simberg 10 Comments

Indian names. Heh.

Humor, Media Criticism, Political Commentary, Satire

The Secret Obama Campaign Strategy

May 1, 2012 Rand Simberg 4 Comments

Andrew Klavan has the scoop:

LISTER: Well, the debt is a very serious problem, but by the same token, I think you have to agree that Mitt Romney drove for twelve hours with his dog in a crate on top of his car.

KOC: What?

LISTER: He’s been cited for cruelty by two different animal rights groups.

KOC: Well, okay, but, in his book Dreams From My Father, President Obama says he actually ate a dog!

LISTER: I don’t think we should be talking about dogs at a serious moment like this. Dogs are just a distraction.

KOC: Fine, let’s get back to the economy. Entitlement programs like Social Security and Medicare are projected to consume all tax revenues within thirty years. Social Security could be operating at a deficit within only two years. Congressman Paul Ryan has put forward a serious and politically courageous plan to address entitlement reform. What will be the president’s approach?

LISTER: We’re on it. Even as we speak, we have hired an actor who looks like Congressman Ryan to pretend to push an old woman in a wheelchair off a cliff. I don’t see how the GOP can answer that, especially when you consider that Mitt Romney’s ancestors may have been bigamists.

KOC: Mitt Romney’s ancestors? Barack Obama’s father was a bigamist!

LISTER: I don’t think we should be talking about bigamy at a serious moment like this. Bigamy is just a distraction.

Actually, I’m not sure it’s that big a secret.

Humor, Political Commentary, Satire, Space

NASA’s Ambition

April 30, 2012 Rand Simberg 6 Comments

This may be a bridge too far, given the state of the agency and Congressional proclivities.

Humor, Media Criticism, Political Commentary

The Million-Lice March

April 26, 2012 Rand Simberg 1 Comment

What if they held a protest and no one came?

Humor, Media Criticism, Political Commentary

Hey, Did You Hear That The President Eats Dogs?

April 23, 2012 Rand Simberg 13 Comments

Jim Treacher continues to have too much fun:

As for our moral, ethical, and intellectual superiors in the Democratic Party who don’t appreciate this one bit, here’s a question:

If you don’t want to talk about dogs, why did you bring up dogs?

Now: Add up the number of days you’ve yammered about Romney’s dog. Take that sum and add 1. Find a calendar, count out that number of days from today, and mark the date. That’s the day I’ll consider not hurting your feelings anymore by bringing up the fact that Obama eats dogs.

I think that it’s the best strategy for Romney to ignore this and continue to focus on the real issues, but it’s also useful to mock this eminently mockable president at every opportunity, something that had the usual suspects like Jon Stewart done four years ago, we wouldn’t be in this mess.